A Letter to my Best Friend Who I Lost This Week. I Will Never Forget You
89Ripples In A Pond
How do I start? What can I say? Why did you have to go. You made the whole world light up with your amazing laugh. I smile when I remember. But let me start at the beginning. We were ten years old, and we had just started high school. You came into the classroom, looking so serious and only sat next to me because you couldn't find a seat. We looked at each other. We were so different, you were clever and popular, I was shy and quiet. It took us a while to understand our humour and ways, but we did. Oh how we did, we laughed and went to the park, we played jokes and giggled for hours. For six whole years we stuck together like glue until the time came for us to leave school. I found a job straight away, in an office near my home. Starting work on the first day, I walked in, and there you were! You had got the job as well! I remember the look on your face when I walked in, it was so funny I wanted to take a picture. So there we were, starting our new lives but still together.
At sixteen we decided we were old enough to go to the pub. We weren't supposed to, so we made up so many stories to convince our parents that we were at youth club. How we laughed. We started dating at the same time, going to clubs and meetings, along with our other new friend. I remember those days through a haze of rose coloured memories. Laughing, dancing, meeting loads of boys and discovering how it was to be a young adult.
I remember the first time that I cried with laughter so much I couldn't stand. I had arranged to meet you in the pub and you were late. The music was playing, we were all dancing. Then suddenly we could hear above the sound of the music, clip clop clip clip bang! Then the whole pub was echoing with your laughter. It reverberated around the room, and everybody stopped what they were doing and looked towards the door. There you were, on the floor in your high platform heels, screaming with laughter because you had tripped up on the way in. No, you hadn't had a drink. You didn't need one to laugh like that. I remember looking around at the other customers. They were laughing. but not at you, with you. I started to laugh and I laughed and laughed until I cried.
Over the next few years the three of us went everywhere together. We had so much fun, but in the midst of all the dancing and music, there was you with your laughter. We said it sounded like a hyena! That made you laugh even more. And clumsy! My were you clumsy! You would breeze into the club, yelling hello to everyone, and swing your handbag around on your shoulder, and whoomp! You knocked over everybody's drink on the table. They got so used to it that they moved their drinks when you walked in! Ha Ha. Oh and that time when you rushed into the ladies bathroom to get to the toilet, and you suddenly shot back out and fell to the floor! I stood in amazement as you burst into laughter again. What had you done? You had caught your sleeve on the door handle and it had catapulted you out the door! We three laughed so much we had to go in separate directions! The pain of laughing was too much!
I got married, then a year later so did you. We still saw each other. Do you remember the time when you fell asleep in your car with your husband, and woke up fifty miles away, because your car had been towed onto a lorry by mistake? You had both drank so much that night you didn't even wake up! But you told the story so well, I fell about laughing for a week.
And that was your talent. Your so special talent.
Not just the funny things that you did, but the way you told the story. Clumsy, jolly full of laughter, you.
The years passed and you moved to America, but I always knew when you were coming back. Oh, I didn't need the phone to tell me. I just knew.
So many times I would phone you at your mother's house when you had only just walked in the door. 'How did you know I just got of the plane?' you would say. I would just smile and say, 'Don't be stupid, you know how I knew' And she did. It was uncanny. But she accepted my telepathic ways, and thought they were funny. You moved back to England and we started on the pub circuit again. By now we were in our thirties. My son was in his teens and yours were babies. But I noticed that you had started to drink quite a lot.
The pebble dropped in the pond.
Your husband left you, and you broke. I could see it, but you picked yourself up and carried on. But the drink became your bolster. You met and fell in love again. But he wasn't good for you, but you loved him so much. I could still see the girl who was my best friend inside you, but drink was taking it's hold and you could never be without a glass in your hand. Then he died, and you shattered. You ran away for six months, until one day I received a letter.
Please come and get me. So I got on the bus, I didn't have much money, and came to where you were. I grabbed your case, your dog and you.
I took you home.
I believe if you had been left alone at this point, you would have been fine. But He followed you. He was a man who had helped you when you ran away. He was an alcoholic. I told you to leave him, but you said you needed him.
One ripple in the pond.
I never saw you. You never came. I heard that He was taking drugs and drinking. Then one day you turned up at my door. The laughter was still there, but there was an edge to you. It frightened me. You were hard. Mentally and physically. But the girl I knew and loved was still there. I should have done something, I should have got you away. But I was afraid. I had my own nightmares. My mother had died, and my dad. I was broken and couldn't help you.
Two ripples in the pond..
You had two children, a girl and a boy. The boy stayed with you, and started to drink. Last year I heard the terrible news that he had taken something, collapsed and was now in a coma for life. My hands shook as I took the phone call from our friend. I was heartbroken. But deep in the back of my mind I knew. I just knew. You could go two ways. Stop drinking and be strong.
Or drink and die.
Three ripples in the pond.
You couldn't handle seeing him like this. Who could? I started to keep in touch with your mum, tried to phone you. I got through once. You didn't sound like you. You were shattered. I put the phone down after speaking to you, and I was shaking. You ended up in hospital. No, You would be fine, they said. But I didn't understand what was wrong. I thought it was your mind. But it wasn't. It was your body. The stress and drink had taken it's toll.
You passed away on Sunday. Your mother phoned me. The family is broken. What started as four, husband wife, boy and girl, is no more. Your daughter went to America to try and get used to her brother being in hospital, she is coming home tomorrow, to bury her mum.
Four ripples in a pond.
What starts as a small pebble falling into the water, will cause ripples to grow and grow until they cascade outwards into chaos. I will never see her again. I loved her.
She was my friend.
Heaven will a happier place
With the sound of your laughter
-
We laughed, we played
We sang, we were loved
We had fun and music
And children and laughter
My life has been enriched, because of you.
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Thank you Fiddleman for being so kind, she was very special and I will miss her, thanks nell
What a beautiful way to remember someone so close. Thank you Nell for sharing this, Bless
I hope you can always keep the good times with you,sorry for you loss.
Nell that was a moving , and sometimes, funny tribute to a great friend. I am truly sorry for your loss.
I think Christmas in heaven will go with an extra special "zing" this year.
Take care.
What a sad story.Painful when you see something happening but you can't prevent it.Kathryn xx
Hi Nell,
I find myself in the same boat, a dear friend of mine has just been told that the cancer she thought had been removed has returned and this time is inoperable.
Yes I should be sad but I'm not... I'm angry and I don't know who at or why !
Is it at myself because I feel so useless at this time, no words seem adequate and no action that I can take will make the slightest difference to the outcome.
Or is my anger aimed at the Doctors in the hospital who deal with life and death on a daily basis and have become incensitive to it ?
We all have to die, but do we actually want to know exactly when ?
When you are lying flat on your back and to be told "I'm so sorry but we can't do anything for you."
They are dishing out a death sentence and they walk off and leave you alone to think about it every day you wake up... Is that humanity ?
This cancer is going to slowly choke her to death, slowly she will lose the ablity to eat, speak then even drink and be left alone locked with her own thoughts and we can all imagine the terror of that.
Perhaps like you I should write her a letter but in my case a letter that she can read... but I can't I fear my anger will come through and that is wrong.
Hi Nell,
I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been frustrating at times to see what your friend was doing to herself but you were powerless to stop. However she knew you were there for her and she has left you with some precious/funny memories to cherish.
I am sure that she is now looking down on you with a big beaming smile on her face after this fantastic tribute.
Thinking of you Nell.
Take care.
Nell I to like everyone above am sorry to hear of your loss. The only thing we can hang onto are memories, I to am thankful for memories of dear friends I've lost.
Writing this letter as a tribute to your dear friend will be a healing process for you as well and act as closure on her passing, yet not on the life you both shared together.
May your friend RIP forevermore and know that she was loved by so many. Peace and hugs my friend, and thank you for sharing this painful passing of a friend.
Hi, Empress, thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate it
Thank you BJB, it is hard but I will always remember her laugh
And Christopher thanks for stopping by, it certainly will be party time in Heaven this year
Hi, kathryn, I just wish that I could have done more for her, but as my other friend said at the end of the day it is down to them to do these things unfortunately we can't help them
Hi, Merlin, I am so sorry, it seems that we both have to face a bleak Christmas this year. The only consulation that I have with my friend is that it was quick, and she didn't realise how bad she was until she had gone. your poor friend, what a nightmare, I a sure she will value your friendship, even though it will be hard, God Bless Nell
Hi, Eiddwen, thanks so much, it does hurt, I used to try and get her to stop drinking, but it is her daughter I feel so sorry for, thanks
Hi, saddlerider, thanks so much, I wasn't sure whether to write this or not, but it sort of flowed out and there it is, I think I have cried myself out now, so hopefully this will help, thanks again nell
Sadly as we grow older,we learn that we are not infalable,we all lose our friends ,some dear and some just aquaintances.I have lost a few friends over the years ,more recently since I got into the 60 age group...but not my best friend,not yet.I dread the day I lose her,maybe I wont she may lose me first,if however I am in your shoes and find myself writing a letter such as yours I hope I can write it with as much afection and love for my friend as you did for yours Nell
I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend, Nell. You were a good friend to her. Remember that she had good times in her life as well as bad.
Nell,
Sharing your friend with us on these pages is a wonderful tribute. You did your friend proud while illustrating the pernicious nature of addiction. I hope that the lasting memories will be the happy ones,
Chris
Nell i'm so sorry.The way you wrote the story brought smiles and tears.It's so strange that some people can drink alcohol and not have a problem,then others can become addicted from the first drink.I feel close to you because this happened to a dear friend of mine.God bless you.
Ruby
Like other hubber say, I'm so sorry to hear this. Of course we never and never to forget our best friend. Beautiful memories always unforgettable. I know how much you love your best friend. But believe me, Nell. Your friend is looking at you and give you smile from heaven. Never forget to pray for your friend. Thank you very much.
Blessing and hugs,
Hi, Loveslove, thanks so much, it is hard as we get older, but also whenever we lose someone, I lost friends when I was in my teens and in my thirties, I think it comes from living in a small town/village, everyone knows everyone, thanks nell
Hi, Always exploring, it is strange isn't it? I could drink all day, then never have another one, I just don't have the taste for it. I do believe it was her personality that was quite shy and nervous that started her off in the first place though, thanks so much nell
Hi, Chris, thanks so much for commenting, I knew that one day if she kept drinking this would happen, but I didn't want to believe it, it is so sad, thanks
Hi, Alicia, yes you are right, she had great times, I wish we could have some more, thank you nell
Hi, prasetio, Oh I wish I could believe it, I really do, but there is always that doubt in my mind that there really is somewhere else after death, maybe she has just gone, but I would love to think that she is with the one she really loved now, thanks
Oh Nell, I'm so sorry! Like others here, I smiled through tears as I read this loving tribute to your friend. We can't change things for other people and that's the hardest lesson to learn sometimes, at least it is for me. Your friendship was special and dear for both of you. Hugs.
Hi, Grandma's House, thank you for saying that we can't change things for other people, I have been blaming myself all week, as though I could have changed it somehow, thank you, you have put my mind at rest, nell
I was so sorry to hear of your loss dear Nell. Hang on to those wonderful memories you have tough, they will relieve a little of your pain.
Hi, acaetnna, thanks so much, it does hurt and I still can't quite believe it, I won't ever hear that laugh again, nell
I am so sorry about your loss. I lost mom when I was five. I can empathize with you. It is helpful to know that we can help those who lose others they love in their lives. I wish I had someone to talk to when I was little but in those days taking about death was not allowed. I pray all souls go to heaven. Bless you with this wonderful personal sorry and message to others.
My gosh, what a moving, beautiful letter. I am so sorry for your loss - your grief is palpable! But perhaps more difficult than your friend's passing was watching her life unravel? Sending love and warm thoughts your way.
Dearest Nell, blessings to you in your loss. May the memories from the good times be the ones that you remember most in your heart - I received a message once, "Only the love remains". And I'm sure that laughter echoes as well. My prayers for you and for the family left behind. Love and Blessings, Erin
To say "I'm sorry" seems so cliche but what a moving letter. This touched me deeply. Sending hugs to you.
Very touching - it's always terrible to lose a friend and especially like this. But through it all, she knew she could count on your friendship - it must have meant a lot to her.
We feel somehow responsible when we can't get someone we love to listen, knowing they are on such a dangerous path and I am sure it was very painful and stressful for you. All we can do is try to bring some comfort to you to know we are all here for you.
Polly
Nell, I saw part of this hub before I left early this AM, cried my eyes out, and thought about it most of the day. I know you wrote this to start to heal, and I have to tell you what an impact it had on me. Mainly because you just never know how your story can affect another person who is otherwise a stranger, and I think as a writer, you deserve to know this. This has been one of my most emotionally taxing years--most significantly from 3 difficult and unexpected losses, and at work we are burying our co-worker next week for my fourth personal loss. I have avoided grieving in any real way for a while, and lately I've been getting the message that I really do need to slow down and deal with it. Early this morning, reading just the beginning of this, it hit me very hard. And I needed it to, and so I guess this is a strange sort of thank you. I think God would like me not to go crazy just yet. ;-).
This is brave, honest writing in a time of turmoil, and I really think it's wonderful. It sounds like you lost the friend you really knew before she died, and that had to be tough in its own right. When I got up the gumption to read the rest, I laughed my head off at that towing thing, but I know how hard this has to be. Kinda feels like your insides are going to fall out? I know the pain, and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've learned to procrastinate in all things but love and kindness. I learned from a trying year that you just can not hesitate to say what matters to the people that matter. Thanks for having the guts to write this. My deepest condolences, and may you find peace.
And...my dear, if you just need a break from the pain in laughter format at some point--I can tell you a story.
Sad to read about what your friend went through and about your loss. Take care.
This is a very sad story Nell, but you will always have your happy memories of your best friend. Sadly, we can't make choices for other people when we see them on the wrong path, as they have to find their own way. But you two will meet again and laugh together once more.
So very sorry to hear of this loss. My heart goes out to you. May you find peace in the happier memories.
So sad reading this, she had such a good friend in you. You will be one of the people to keep the memory of the good old days when she was carefree and so good at making you and others laugh. Maybe her daughter will be able to turn to you and talk about her mum with you one day. Take care of yourself Nell.
Hi, onceuponatime, I am so sorry about your mum, I can imagine how hard it was not being able to talk about it, thanks and take care, nell
Hi, steph, you are right, it was so difficult watching her go down this path, I used to see her nearly everyday for years, but the last three or four years I have only seen her a few times, I couldn't cope with the drinking, she would always come around with a great big bottle of cider or vodka, and I would see her getting more and more drunk, in the end, for my sanity, I cut myself of from her a bit, I didn't want my son to think it was normal to drink like that, now I feel so guilty, maybe this, maybe that etc, now I will not know if she could have been helped, thanks nell
Hi, steph, you are right, it was so difficult watching her go down this path, I used to see her nearly everyday for years, but the last three or four years I have only seen her a few times, I couldn't cope with the drinking, she would always come around with a great big bottle of cider or vodka, and I would see her getting more and more drunk, in the end, for my sanity, I cut myself of from her a bit, I didn't want my son to think it was normal to drink like that, now I feel so guilty, maybe this, maybe that etc, now I will not know if she could have been helped, thanks nell
Hi, Erin, thank you so much, I will try and remember only the good times, and not get too upset, nell
Hi, herbi, thank you so much for your kind words, I just want it to be all over now, it sounds selfish, but the thought of going to her funeral just sends shudders up me, thanks nell
Hi, Shalini, thanks so much, I feel that I could have done more, but it is easy to say after the event, I just miss her now, cheers nell
Thanks again Polly, for being so kind, and I am beginning to get the idea of it all in my mind, but it is still hard, and thanks to everyone for being so helpful and kind, nell
Hi, ahostagesituation, thank you so much for your kind words, and I am glad that it has helped you in a small way. What a horrible year you have had, three people lost and now a fourth, how on earth have you managed to cope? just over ten years ago, I lost my dad, then a year later my mum, in between the two, I lost two very good friends, so I know exactly how you feel. One minute you are crying for one of them and the next it is another one, you can't find a space inside you to cry for all of them together, it is a strange and horrible, horrible feeling, you feel as though someone has pulled the rug of life out from under your feet, and you will never be the same again, yes I will look forward to coming over and reading a story, and thank you, nell
Hi, Ingenira, thank you so much for reading it and your nice comments, thanks nell
Oh Nell, I'm so sorry - I've watched so many people I know and in our family be taken over by alcohol. It is a terrible thing and you try so hard to save them. In the end though, it's just sad. It seems such a waste because they always are usually such good people.
Beautiful tribute to her and I'm just so sorry that she didn't make it. It is funny how the rare few are able to break free of the demon and save themselves. I'll be thinking of you and her poor daughter.
Hi, CMHypno, thanks so much, I wish I could have helped her, but circumstances just spiralled out of control, and now she's gone, I will miss her laugh, I just wish I could believe that she knows how much I miss her, nell
Hi, Dzy, thanks so much for caring, I really appreciate it, cheers nell
Hi, 2uesday, I hope so much that you are right, I would love to be able to help her daughter remember so much about her mother, especially her wonderful laugh, thanks nell
Hi, Audrey, thanks so much, she was such a lovely person, big, jolly and full of laughter, she would find the smallest thing to laugh at, and the stories! well, they were just the best, she could make a simple accident or incident a funny hilarious story, nobody else will ever be able to do that, and that's how I will remember her, thanks nell
I like your line "party time in heaven"...I'm sorry for your loss. Is it harder to say goodbye or see them suffering? There are no mistakes, I believe...at least from the point of view of the Other Side. Thankyou for sharing these memories with us.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. This was a fine tribute.
Hello again Nell..I hope you dont mind me commenting again on this HUB..
A very special friend sent me this song a while back and It is very special to me,for different reasons but i think you will like it.. .X
Such a beautiful letter, to hope that someone would write on like it fr me when I leave. sigh, this is so beautiful Nell, so beautiful. :D Have a wonderful holidays with tons of joy and many blessings. :D hugs :D
I suffered the loss of a childhood friend of many years about three years ago. In fact, in a matter of less than two weeks he, and his father and mother...the entire immediate family was dead. It was so surreal and all the memories came rushing forth just as in your story here. I have written a few hubs about him and some of the fun we had over the years. He is also the subject of a poem that I wrote entitled "The Sarge". I could feel the pain of your perceived helplessness and your desire to help if you could just find a way. As always, once they are gone, we tend to blame ourselves for not trying harder but so often you can only do so much especially when habitual influences are involved. Thanks for sharing this wonderful memory and your poem. WB
I am sorry for your loss. Your story touched me deeply. Your friend will live forever in your memory as that beautiful person you knew and loved. I would like to share with you a thought from the words of Ficino,
"Pythagoras asks that we not let a friend go lightly, for whatever reason. Instead, we should stay with a friend as long as we can, until we're compelled to abandon him completely against our will. It's a serious thing to toss away money, but to cast aside a person is even more serious. Nothing in human life is even more rarely found, nothing more dearly possessed. No loss is more chilling or more dangerous than that of a friend."
You can only help where you are allowed to help. You have no control over any other path. In loving and cherishing her memory you will forgive yourself for the things you could not control. I wish you peace and harmony during this time. And I wish you happiness with fond memories of her beautiful and inspirational laughter. May it light your way in times of sadness.
How lovely it is to memorialize a friend with such fond memories, good, bad, it doesn't matter. It must be said. How nice to have a place to do this and share.
Your friend is lucky to have known you.
Sorry for your loss. Her story seems to be pretty sad too, even with all the laughters.
Thanks Enlydia and carolina muscle, it is hard I hated seeing her like that, but I will miss her so much
Thank you Loveslove, that was an amazing song, and I cried all the way through it, it does still hurt but I will get there and this was a lovely tribute to add to my hub, thanks again
Thanks Sa'ge, I hope she would appreciate it, I may not have seen her recently but she was always in my mind from the time we were ten years old, it just feels so strange
Thanks Wayne, what a terrible thing to happen, I feel for you, what a shock, I hope that you can look back with a smile now, and remember them the way they were, thanks again
Hi, mwatkins, thanks so much, I did pull away from her the last couple of years because I couldn't handle the drinking etc, but I wish I hadn't now, but it is easy to say so after the event, thank you for your kind words and quotes, nell
Thank you TLL, I will never forget her, and hopefully one day I will smile again when I think of her, cheers nell
Hi, BeatsMe, it was a sad story, it just all happened to her at once, her son then her daughters accident, I think that is what took her in the end, not just the drink
Thank you all for your kindness, I don't think I could have coped without all your help this week
Dear Nell, every word you have written sounds like the most saddest sob I've ever heard. You really loved this friend of yours so much - for who she was and not for who you wanted her to be. She was so fortunate to have had a friend like you. I know you will be strong in this terrible time - you are a strong woman - but I'm sending you in any case a bag filled with hugs. Take it whenever you need it. You know God bless those who mourn. (Matt 5:4) xxx
Nell, when I saw the title of your latest Hub I was selfishly reluctant to visit because I didn't want to read about such terrible news. Now that I have read it with both tears and laughter I'm again inspired by your happy memories and your strength, wisdom and courage. Thanks for sharing your story and always remember the years of comfort and joy you brought into your best friend's life without to judging her or anyone else. Friendships like that are rare. Remember, death is most probably not a final event, (at least not for the deceased), it's just a mysterious one.
Hi, Martie, it was when I wrote this I realised how much it hurt, I couldn't get my head around the fact that she was gone, I have known her since I was ten, I feel like someone who is reading a book, and half way through it has been taken away. it feels like her story isn't finished, and I also feel stunned. how could it happen? but I am getting used to the idea now, but it still hurts, thanks so much for the hugs, I will certainly take them out when I need them, thanks as always nell
Hi, Green lotus, thanks so much for reading it, I know what you mean, if I see a title like this I tend to try and keep away, not because I don't feel for the person, but it opens old wounds. That's why I tried to show the lovely funny side of her as well as my feelings of pain, thanks again I really appreciate it, cheers nell
Hi Nell, I am sorry for your loss of your friend. I know what it is like to have someone who is an alcoholic. My father passed away three years ago and his body could not take any more. The sad thing is that they die way to young.
Hi, healingrose, I am so sorry about your father, it is hard to see them like this, and as you said they get taken so young, thank you for your kind words, nell
Oh, Nell, it is so sad! I don't know what to say but thanks to you for sharing this precious lesson of life. Thank you, dear.
Hi, Freya, thanks for coming over, it was terrible to see her go, and I still miss her, cheers nell
Hello Nell I too tryed to avoid this hub like the plague because I hate reading about losses. I have had a few myself and I know they are terrible, but I felt compelled because you are my friend and I know you wrote it from the heart...so here I am and I was right. Very touching hub, sorry for your loss it is apparent through your words. Cheers and Love.
Hi, ladyjane, thanks I totally understand, I think I did it more for my peace of mind than anything else, I just needed to get it out, and I do appreciate your reading it, and everybody else as well, I will get there, but it just takes time to get over a friend like this, thanks so much, cheers nell
What a sad but touching tribute to a lifelong friend. I lost a lifelong friend four years ago last week, and I still miss him. I met him in first grade, and we never lost touch until he was gone. Your loss tugs at my heart. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
Mike
Hi Nell,
What a touching story...I am very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. The sadness of reading this is a bit overwhelming as I just lost my friend and cousin in July. I almost couldn't finish this hub but it was a wonderful tribute and memory. Bless you and I pray that your heart finds comfort.
Wow, you defintely had one or two response here hahaha I am not surprised. It is beautifully written and shows the heartbreak it can drugs and drinks lead to. I am so sorry.
Hi, Mike, i am sorry for your loss too, what a nightmare! I just have to remember her for the happy times, thanks again as always nell
Hi, The Baking Guru, thanks so much for your kind comments, it really helps
Hi, Lisa, thank you for reading it, and I am so sorry for your loss too, It is a horrible time because I miss her, but I will get there thanks again
Hi, Hello hello, it seems that so many of us lose our friends it is so sad, thanks as always nell
Beautiful tribute BT~ So sorry for your loss and I hope you heal quickly. Such a long relationship of friendship and memories you shared. Now all belonging to you to treasure as chapters of gifts from your past. I am sending you a really big hub-hug along with a warm cyber-totty to comfort you for a moment or two. Blessings~
K9
It is sad to lost someone you love. Like what the quote says "A best friend is a sister that destiny forgot to give you." While reading your post, it makes me say that you had great time together. You love and care for each other. Be strong to face the future :)
Hi Nell,
So sorry for your loss.
I can see your ability to write so deeply and trurthfully about your friend has profoundly touched so many who have read this hub.
I lost my brother years ago to alcoholism and know of the helplessness of which you spoke. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi, K9, thanks so much, we had so many years together as friends, she always made me laugh, I still can't get used to it, thank you for your kind words, nell
Hi, clare, thanks for stopping by, I took a peak at your site, it's great! cheers nell
Hi, Happyboomernurse, I am sorry for your loss as well, it is a harsh and sad way for them to go, I just hope we can remember them with a smile, thanks nell
Nell, so sorry. I know how you feel. We have lost three this year. You have those wonderful memories. Good luck to you Nell
Tina
Hi, Tina, it was hard but you have lost three! wow, that is horrible! thanks for your kind words, cheers nell
Your words were wonderful, I will go the rest of the day with this smile.
I will hug my best friend today.
You showed us the love you have for your friend through your words with such gentle care that my eyes welled up with tears and the hair is standing up on my arms. I hope somebody will write about me so lovingly after I pass from this Vale of Tears.
Hi, Lifewellspoken, thank you for reading it, and I am glad it made you smile, I hope your friend appreciated the hug, thanks so much nell
Hi, James, it is so hard I really miss her, she has been there all my life, it just feels so strange, and thank you for your kind words, nell
Nell, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend of so many years. I recently lost one of my dearest friends ( friends for 37 years). I remembered how the moment we met him, my husband and I, that David would be in our lives forever. I have a little altar with his picture, a cross, some candles, and candy. I pass it several times a day. I cried every day for 2 weeks, and got bags under my eyes.
I have been forgetful and unable to concentrate. When things go wrong, I just blame David.
For some reason, I keep thinking of the old song "I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places..." and then cry again. People say that they loved David, but I say that I love David. He was the brother I never had. When those you love are gone, only the love remains. Take care, Nell.
I have tears in my eyes, you wrote such a beautiful tribute to your best friend. With love and tender care. God bless you and let the spirit of peace upon you.
Hi, Dolores, I am so sorry, it is hard isn't it? I still keep thinking that I am going to see her, it takes a minute and then I realise. I just feel so sorry for her family now, thank you so much for reading it, and I hope it gets better for you soon, take care nell
Hi, sherry, thanks so much, I didn't want it to be morbid, I wanted to remember her for her laugh, thanks nell
what a truly moving tribute to your friend Nell. Thank you so much for so openly sharing the pain of loss and the joy of remembering.
Addiction has such a powerful hold on people's lives - I have seen so many lose their battle. One thing I do know though is they don't forget those who truly love them - even though they may push you aside. Your friend was lucky to have you in her life, and she probably knew it on some level.
Lots of warm thoughts to you as you grieve your loss.
I lost my daughter Shaunda nov.26 2008. Two years and it seems a lot longer. I really miss her a lot. She had cystic fibrosis. She did leave me a beautiful grandson.He was 7 months old when she died. It took all the strength she had to get him here. You never get over lossing a child. There is a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I am glad I found this hub.
Hi, Rebecca, thanks so much for reading it, it is hard and I totally agree with you, alcoholism is a horrible thing, she was lovely before she started drinking, and even after a few years her humour was still there, I will miss her, thanks nell
Hi, reliablesourse, I am so sorry about your daughter, time does funny things when we grieve. I am glad you have your grandson, it must be a very wonderful blessing, I feel for you and I will send you a prayer and a hug, I am sorry it took so long to answer, but I was having trouble with my computer. take care nell
nellrose I am crying tears sista. This is a beautiful writing of love and your heartfelt love for your friend is pure and sweet. Nothing can save the alcoholic except thier desire to get well. God is waiting he can turn all things for good but one must be ready to call on him for the help. It is a terrible illness it goes through like a hurricane and wipes out everything on the path. She suffers no more with her illness. Praise God. I love the ripple effect you used to write this hub of love. Very Beautiful.
I will pray for her daughter that she will stand with Jesus Christ and stand under his wings. nell rose thank you for sharing a story that I am sure was not easy to write. I pray some will be touched and reach for the healing hand of Jesus.
God Bless you nellrose. I am sorry for your loss. You are a special friend. May God place you under his wings and you know he is your refuge. I love you,
Merry Christs to you and yours in His Name Jesus Christ.
Sending a warm hug.
Hi, sky2day, thanks so much that is really helpful, I just wish that I could have helped but as you say it is an illness that cannot be helped, I really appreciate it, thanks, nell
Nell, I simply love you for this hub.
Nell Rose: my deepest and sincerest condolences on your loss. How blessed you were to have a friend such as this for the time you had her. Your piece is full of love and beauty showing that true friendship is everlasting. Peace to you my friend.
Hi, jan, thank you so much I really appreciate it, cheers nell
Hi, pmccray, thank you, it does still hurt, but all I will try and remember is her wonderful fantastic laugh, thanks again nell
What a lovely way to pay tribute to someone you love so much. Thank you for having the courage to share such personal feelings with the world.
She was lucky to have such a great friend in you, you are lucky to have some wonderful memories.
My thoughts are with you and her daughter.
Best wishes
Hi, Ross thank you so much, we had such a great time together, I will miss her, it still feels strange. but thanks for your kind comments, nell
Hi Nell, sorry for your loss. A very touching story, I am sure your friend is so proud of you, and she is giving you some strength from Heaven to share your memories of her. Which I know when you talk about the loss of someone you love is very difficult. Thank you for sharing such great memories with us. Take care for now, Carter
Hi, Carter, thank you so much, I still really miss her, and forget sometimes then it comes back to me, and I realise that I can't just phone her, thank you
SImply Amazing, Your words are alive, I can feel what you feel and can follow your steps on this walk of creating a wonderful tribute to your friend. May God Bless you with Long Life And Health, so that we may be Blessed Again and Again with your words. Love You With The Love Of Jesus!
Hi, Honorablewoman, thank you so much! I was thinking about her today, and it really hurt again, but your words have made me feel so much better, thank you.
It is so hard to say goodbye. I too am so sorry for your loss. Losing a friend is losing part of yourself. We feel small and helpless when we can't make things the way we want them. There is nothing to do but go on, as you have been. I lost my Mom 4 months ago. I wrote a hub called "Grieving When You Lose Someone Close to You." It is both a tribute to my mother and about the grieving process we must go through for our own well being. Writing it helps my pain and helps me feel she will not be forgotten if it is read by people who didn't know her. I hope your writing helps you too. It is healthy to cry. It means your friend was a true gift for you, even if for too brief a time. I wish you well and good things.
Hi, toknowinfo, thanks so much for reading it, I am so sorry about your mother, it is hard and as you say we must cry and grieve otherwise we can't begin to heal from the pain, take care nell
I am sorry for your loss. A truly friend is an important part of our life. I like your tribute to him, read these words touched me and has awakened some old , sweet and sad memories. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, fucsia, thanks for reading it, I really appreciate it, I do still miss her lots, cheers nell
These losses are never easy and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like she was very special and that the two of you, together, were a force to be reckoned with. Thank you for sharing your friendship and your grief.
Hi, duffsmom, she was my best friend since I was ten years old, I still can't quite believe it, I sometimes go to phone her and then it suddenly dawns on me that she is not here, thanks for reading it, cheers nell
so sorry, nell. I can't imagine having a best friend since the age of ten. How wonderful. It would have been so difficult watching her life, and then learning of her death. You were blessed to have a best friend, and have sorrow because you had a best friend. I hope you find peace and comfort in your grief, Nell.
I feel the same way about my mother. When I go to our favorite places or eat our favorite food, I get a lump in my throat.
Hi, kim thank you so much, we did have some great times together, I will miss her, cheers nell
Hi, Tatara, I totally understand it does hurt doesn't it? thank you so much, nell
I am blown away at this. It is lovely. I find it interesting as I had a similar experience. I had a very special friend when I was young. We lost touch for some series reasons. Then 25 years later she came back into my life and was there just like before. Only I could not really recognize her. Her spirit was there and her voice buther face was not hte same. We struck up a close frienship again. WHat I did not know was that she had been a huge alcoholic her whole life and was dying of Liver Failure and did not tell me. I knew something was wrong but she would bever say and told me she no longer drank. Well after about 6 months she turned yellow and was admitted to the hospital. I really had no idea she would die 5 weeks after going to the hospital. I was with her in the room just the two of us as she drew her last breath. I am honored to have been there. It has been very hard not too mention sad that this happened to a pretty young women. I love your letter I may do the same. I hope you are doing well.
Hi, Scarlet, sorry it took me so long to get back to you, and thanks for reading it, It is so hard to lose a friend this way, I feel like I should have done something for her a long time ago. The strange thing was that when I found out my friend was also in hospital I was actually going to visit her on the day she died, if only I had, but life threw something in my way and I never got there on time, thanks so much nell
Nelly,
i have great news for you- if your freind was even a decent person- i know where she went- and that place is better than any place she could go to, I was there for just a little bit only a few minutes and it was more peaceful and calm than any day i have ever spent on earth-living in Buffalo- for sure i felt a calm over my body that was so..."mellow".. more calm than an early summer morning where you just get that comfortable temp your just waking up and a light breeze hits you... So take heart your freind is in a better place - trust me I was there for more informtion I have 3 hubs on it I am not sure if they have been hub nuked). So checkem out- if you already have- cool if not it will make you feel better - I hope it will. also If I already commented on this- and you read my stuff- thanks
Peace to you and worry not your freind is in a far far better place take heart in that and worry no more....
TH
Hi, tom, thats an amazing story, I can't wait to come over and read them, thank you so much, nell
Nell this is a very touching story and I feel for your loss. Nobody escapes the pain of this final parting but you are right when you say your life is richer for having known her. You are very lucky to have such special people in your life and your friend has passed on there are many around you still alive. And judging from all these comments you have many more than you probably imagined.Thank you for sharing this.
Nell, this is a very moving tribute to your friend. You did all you could for her in her final years and the best choice you made was that separation you spoke off to another follower. It saved you and your son. You are in my thoughts.
Hi, Spirit, thank you, she was my friend since we were ten years old, and it still seems so very strange, I will always miss her, thanks nell
Hi, Sister Mary, thanks so much, in the end I had to get away from her because as I said she was getting to much to handle at that time, I will remember her as she used to be, cheers nell
So sad. Awesome tribute, awesome hub!
Hi, celeB, thanks so much, cheers nell
Nell Rose, I am so sorry about this. You lost a loved one..this is a hard thing to experience. you have written a beautiful eulogy to her. If only she could read this..what a gift. What a friend you were and are, Nell Rose. This is such a tender hub. Please accept my sympathy and empathy. I hope writing this has served to soften your grief a little bit. Of course, this is awesome and beautiful. thank you.
Hi, Lucky Cats, thanks for reading it, she was my best friend for years, I just wish I could have helped her, cheers nell
I cried because I know you remembered the dear friend you had so many years ago. You think about the old times you shared. The young the innocent. My best friend died 3 years ago. You will always remember them. I loved this hub.
Hi, Mrs J.B. thank you for being so kind, she was my best friend for nearly 40 years, and it still seems very strange, I am so sorry about your friend too, thanks, nell
This was so touching and so beautiful....made me remember my best friend growing up. We are still there for each other no matter how far apart we are. The memories are yours to treasure, but the pain will only go away with time. You too gave her beautiful memories that hopefully helped her to get through some of life's roughest storms.
She had a wonderful friend in you for you continue to keep her memory alive and to teach a lessonto those who need it with your story.
Hi, Cathy, thanks so much, it doesn't seem like nearly 7 months ago now, I can still hear her voice in my head when I laugh, thanks nell
Loss hurts. Especially when it is someone so close and has so much life left to live. My 39 year old brother in law hanged himself to death on Thanksgiving 5 years ago. He is survived by my younger sister and three children. He chose Thanksgiving Day as a particular marker. It still is incomprehensible.
Hi, Lisa, that's awful, and nobody knew why? it is so sad when someone can't or won't tell whats going on in their head, and then its too late, thank you for reading, cheers nell
It is a great story, i hope there's a lot of story like yours in hubpages. Well all i can say is, life's goes on. You have face it now on your own. But don't be sad, i know the friends of yours are always guiding you. Don't be sad every time you remember the old days but laugh or smile. I know it is really hard but the is the only thing you can do for your childhood friend.
Hi, naturalsolutions, thank you so much, and I will always remember her, thank you for reading, I appreciate your comment, cheers nell
All i will say is - Remarkable effort and i am glad that if your friend is watching from heaven , your friendship will be cherished for putting so much in it even after she is not there with you. I had tears in my eyes while reading it . I wish i too could have had a friend as caring and loving like you.
Hi, Aceblogs, thank you so much. I still miss her, and my dreams are always revolved around her, seems that the more I don't see her because she is no longer here, the more I remember of her, its nearly a year now, unbelievable, thanks nell
Wow Nell, so sorry for your loss. When you hit these bumps or ripples as uou describe, it is easy for a person to get caught in the flood so to say. One after another, you friend went through such traggic events that would have put a person down long before she ever was Nell. It shows how strong your friend was and how much you cared. In a world to her that was what it was, it is good knowing that she atleast had you. It is hard to say the right things at time like these, but you keep her name alive by writing this article. A very great tribute. May you find peace in due time.
Hi, lyric, thanks so much, it will be a year next month when she went, still find it hard to believe, cheers nell
Hi Nell.Thanks for sharing.Ijust lost my husband and think I'll just wither away.Like you,I keep wondering if I could have done something to keep him here with me,but going over it all a thousand times just keeps me crying.
I am crying for my lonliness but mostly for him and wishing he were here to do the things we planned and saved for.
Hi, baygirl, I am so sorry for your loss, I know those words are said so often, but I do understand. I lost my mom and dad ten years ago, and the grief seems overwhelming, they say it gets better in time, and it does, but there are times when it will overcome you again, and you just have to try and work your way through it, but the one thing I do know is never blame yourself or think you could have done something, we all do and say that, we are just human with our flaws and our hopes, even if we could see what was happening could it have made a difference? maybe, maybe not, but it would have happened another time, take care and look after yourself, nell
Thanks Nell. Take care.
A fabulous tribute and send off for your friend. So sorry to hear about your loss but hopefully you will meet again one day!
Hi, iain, thanks so much, its nearly a year ago now, but I still miss her, cheers nell
Beautiful. You are a wonderful friend.
Hi, wynot1, thank you so much for reading, cheers nell
Wow! This was compelling, sweet, sad, interesting and wonderful story. Well written. Awesome!
Hi, ubanichijioke, thank you so much, nell
I have a friend who was just diagnosed. There is not a childhood memory that doesnt have her attached to it letters cant expressed all that I feel
Hi, stacey I am so sorry to hear that, its a hard thing to have to hear, a year on I still think of my friend but I am beginning to be able to smile when I think of her now, and talk about her and the things we did together, you will hurt and feel lost for a while, but things do get better I promise you, take care, and just be there for your friend, I never had the chance because we didn't realise how bad she was, cherish the time you have with her these are what makes the memories, nell
Beautiful. You are a wonderful friend.
Thank you Jack, I really appreciate it, nell
Beautiful!
Thanks kelley.
Oh Nell, I understand your pain so much. I lost my best friend Michael to Hep C six years ago Dec 2012. He had been a drug addict and alcoholic who finally got free from his addictions the last 16 years of his life but finally succumbed to liver failure. I miss him so very much. We did everything together. He was disabled and couldn't work because of his bad knees and the Hep C. so we spent nearly every day together while my husband worked. HE WAS A TRUE FRIEND TO BOTH OF US. I think about him so often and miss his companionship.
Then I met Jeannie last year, she was an alcohol trying to quit drinking. She had 3rd stage liver disease. She was haunted by voices that told her she was a terrible person. I always made sure to tell her how much she was loved and what a wonderful person and friend she was. She had become like a Sister to me and she helped me take care of my 73 year old Mother. She was an angel to me. This morning I called to see if she wanted to go to lunch with Mom and I and her boyfriend informed me that she passed away during the night. It hurts so bad. I will miss her so much. Like your friend she and my Michael were full of laughter and had beautiful smiles.
I pray that you will heal quickly and that your friend is safe in the hands of GOD.
Hi, Kebbennett, I am so sorry for your loss, that must have been such a shock. And to lose two such good friends must be so heartbreaking, my friend died over a year ago now, but I can still hear her laughter whenever something funny happens, and it makes me smile, and then cry a little, take care and thank you for reading, nell
beautiful tribute, now... and so sorry for your loss
Nell, I'm sorry I'm so late responding to this. I feel your pain and hope your sorrow has become more bearable. I know your memories are all you have left and they will stay with you for a lifetime. The laughter you hear in your heart will help you remember. You have no reason to regret, your friend unfortunately chose her life. You were always there for her and were a true and wonderful friend something I'm sure she was grateful for. God Bless.
Wow, so powerful. What a friendship you had. I hate to hear of things falling apart. This was a beautifully written hub. Many votes.
Nell I am so very sorry for your loss. No words seem like enough. I do hope by writing this beautiful letter that it has helped ease the pain. You were a wonderful friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
Sunnie
Beautifully written. What a loss. So sorry...
Thanks PDX, I still miss her, I sometimes 'hear' her voice in my head, and see her smile.
Hi, tillsontitan, thanks so much, I do wish I could have helped her more, but as you said she chose this way of life, but its so sad.
Hi, Victoria, we had the best friendship, and I honestly think that I have never laughed so much as when I was with her, thanks for reading, nell
Hi, Sunnie, thank you, its been a while now, but I can suddenly think of something and she rushes back into my mind, thanks so much, nell
Hi, kelley, thanks so much, nell
Fiddleman Level 5 Commenter 18 months ago
A great tribute to your friend. Sorry for you loss. Those special friends like you have lost are so few and we cherish their memory and cling to those special times shared.