Ageing most ungraciously.
By Nell Rose
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Into the Autumn of discontent, kicking and screaming
I looked in the mirror today.
Properly I mean. I scrutinised every line and wrinkle, every frown line, I stuck my tongue out, then put it back in. Quickly. I checked my neck, waggled my head about a bit to see which bit wobbled, then I took my contact lenses out. Ah, so much better! There I am. Now I recognised myself.
How many people actually look at themselves,really look, I mean? We spend each day looking in the mirror, mainly to put on our makeup. Sometimes to clean our teeth, or do our hair, but how often do we notice the changes that come with age?
I was recently around a friends house, and while I was waiting for her in the bedroom, I decided to analyse myself in front of her full length mirror.
Horrors.
When had I got so fat? Well tubby at least. As I turned around to look at my rear view, I was horrified to notice all the lumps and bumps that hadn't been there before. It had been a long time since I had scrutinised myself this way. I had turned into a middle aged image of my mother! Where was the not bad looking flirty girl I saw last time I looked? It can't have been that long ago, surely.
Sometimes we see ourselves, but don't see at all. Panic set in. The funny thing is, I have always put on my make up carefully, checked my hair then checked again, moved it a bit, flattened it, brushed it again until it is the way I like it. Which if you think about it, is stupid really, because the second you get outside, it gets blown into a whirlwind, whipping tendrils around your face and you end up swallowing at least a few strands, causing you to cough it back out like a cat spitting out a fur ball. Anyway were was I? Oh yeah.
Wrinkles. Well actually it's not really wrinkles that's the problem. It's the shape of your face changing that is really weird. Before, I had high cheek bones, big eyes, and very kissable lips. (that's the mens opinion, not mine!) But now it seems to have changed. Admittedly I have had a thyroid problem in the past, which I will explain about another time, and this does change your face for a number of reasons, one being that you either get skinnier or fatter, all depending on whether you have a high thyroid or a low one, but I can't blame my looks on that. I have to admit that I am getting older. Aren't we all?
My lips seem to have got thinner, my eyes squintier, (maybe I should wear my contacts more) and my face is fatter. All pointing to the fact that I am not me anymore.
The main problem is that when I lean down to pick something up, I noticed in the mirror, (I was putting on make up) that everything seemed to drop forward like a tub of lard reaching for a bucket. So I tried it again. Yep, there we go. Lovely.
Okay, don't panic. There must be a solution. Polyfilla? No, a bit sticky. Ah, I know. A sticking plaster behind each ear. Perhaps not. If my hair gets caught in it, I will look like i've got gills like a fish.
Okay. What then? I can always scrape up my hair on the top of my head, take a bit of skin with it and then cut of the slack! No too painful.
So I resorted to the only thing I could do. Foraging around my book case, I found the little gem that I had stored away for a rainy day.
Eva Frasers facial workout.
I had bought this book years ago, laughing at the time, thinking what idiot would do all those workouts pulling stupid faces. Now was the time.
After reading it thoroughly, (I didn't want to get any of the facial exercises wrong and end up looking like Golem) I started out on my first exercise.
Oh, Oh Oh, Ah, Ah Ah, My mouth looked liked a rats backside. Very attractive! But evidently, the exercises were designed to pull your facial muscles up and out in the right direction.
Usually, when we use our face muscles, we always do it wrong. We frown, we pinch our mouths, and all of this adds up to the fact that we end up aging ourselves quicker than if we just kept ourselves completely blank faced. Obviously this would be the better option, but would look a bit weird in the real world.
I must admit that I did get a few odd looks when practicing the exercises in public, like a lunch break at work, or waiting for a train. (how was I to know that there was someone on the other side of the platform? (I really must wear my contacts!) Obviously you, as sane people would only do the exercises In the privacy of your own home, or somewhere on your own. But the more you do, the quicker the result.
Mind you, don't get into the habit of doing them too much, because sometimes you forget where you are. Especially the one where you have to wink at least ten times. I had got into the habit to such an extent that I found I was doing it anywhere and everywhere, this is fine when you are around friends or family, who know what you are doing, and commend you for your effort, but it's not so good when you suddenly realise that the small in stature, spotty eek across the road is winking back, with a grin on his face, thinking he has pulled. wey hey, at last Somebody thinks he's fit. Okay you might make his day, but there are a few funny people out there that you don't want to attract. Actually, that's what they are probably thinking about you. Anyway,getting back to the exercise.
This is to pull up the muscles under your eyes, the winking I mean. And believe me it works, the bags have gone and the lines around my mouth have evened out. It's great. There is also one that includes patting the back of your hand under your chin, to keep the muscles firm. No more fat in a bucket!
Seriously though, it really does work. Obviously it won't take years of your face. You will still get old, have wrinkles and other anomalies. But I found it was great. In this day and age, everybody is reaching for the Botox, having plastic surgery, skin peels, fillers, etc. But not everybody can afford them, also, I think that too much of any of those things ruin your skin and your natural looks. You can buy an electronic facial kit that does exactly the same as the face workouts, and they are good, but make sure you use the gel to lubricate the electronic pads, otherwise it feels like ten bees stinging your face, and dancing the tango! I recently bought myself a hand held one, and it is quite good. There are a few good ones on the market, and even though they have been out for a while, I still find the exercises are better, if you do them yourself. It amazed me to think that my face muscles were so slack to start with. It was a bit like putting make up on a soggy paper bag. Once the muscles tighten up, it looks and feels so much better. I have got so good at them now, I could take part, and win a gurning competition!
One of the most obvious ways of keeping your skin nice, is using face creams. There are so many on the market today that you just get confused. What the hell are Poly peptides? Why does this cream work better than that one? I think I've tried them all. Well, the lower end of the expense market any way. And I can in all honestly say that the best ones are, for me, the Nivea range. But everybody is different, and we all know what we like. As I have now discovered on my journey to finding the original me again, there is no point in putting loads of makeup on, or slavering yourself in creams, if the skin of your face is flopping around like a soggy pair of knickers on a washing line. You exercise your body.
Exercise your face.
Happy gurning!
Comments
If you can't laugh at yourself you would probably cry! thanks for the comments lol nell
well i eat fruits and vegetables a lot. This prevents aging. I look very young than actually i am and also i feel young. After shaving my beard i apply natural apple apricot scrub and twice a week herbal neem and fruit pack which is fantastic for my skin as it glows,it's wonderful for a woman to kiss me then ;-). Everything is natural and organic so it's great.
So is the man in the last picture your partner? :-)
You look young too nell, maybe there is less pollution in Britain. You have good hair too, so you might be taking good care of your body. For me body comes first, proper nutrition, water, exercise, yoga, meditation and sleep and you'll always feel healthy and good :-)
Hi Cleanclover, thanks for the compliments, If I did'nt know you better I would think you were flirting with me!! No seriously, I do exercise and try to keep fit. I am lucky because I live out in the country and have access to the river and woods. So going for long walks is great. Thanks again. Nell
Hey Nell, did you see me flirting with you or did you wish me to flirt? ;) Nah, i am not a flirt. You really look young. Maybe the pic is lieing then.
So you live in a country. Country people are more healthy than the city dwellers. It's same everywhere.
I live in the heart of a polluted city, luckily i have a river, dense palm tree forest and green mountain ranges near my house. When it rains it's green everywhere. That's good isn't it?
Hi, Cleanclover, I was only joking, and I hope I don't look old! Yeah I love living in the countryside, it is much better than a city. Thanks again. Nell
LOL Nell great hub as always. Makes me laugh and yes my everything is heading south as well.
Hi, fishtiger, I know, I have started madly exercising lately, and it is great. But I do actually do these facial exercises, mind you I try not to do it in front of people, they would think I am mad! thanks again. Nell
I don't like to even think about it, I put on make up and fix my hair and never put on my glasses til Im heading out the door!
Hiya, Pollyannalana, thanks for reading. The trouble with me is, I have no choice! I wear contact lenses, and I have to put them in first! too much clarity... thanks again. Nell
hehehe Melanie! I was cracking up about the facial excersizes and doing them by accident in public. I do them in my car and I just laugh when young people look at me like a freak.(They will understand one day what I was doing and until then it gives me a great giggle)
It works though! I don't use creme on my face. A beautiful old woman about 75ish told me a secret years ago when I commented on her beautiful youthful skin and youthful face. Ready for this? VASALINE. yup. I use it every night and you know what...People say they never guess my age and see me almost 12-15 years younger! yipee!
Great Hub and I giggled through most of it!
Hi, Ghost Whisper, I am so glad that you do the face exercises too! I thought it was just me! And what a great idea about the Vasaline, never thought of that. I will give it a try, I think I had better, before everything on my face goes south if you know what I mean! thanks again. Nell
You are too cute and funeeee! Those excersizes work! They just don't look to purty while your driving. hhehehehe
Hi, Ghost Whisper, I know what you mean, I forget sometimes, and do them when I have company! I get some funny stares, I can tell ya! Then it takes me about half hour to explain that, no actually I have'nt got ticks, it is me trying to retain what beauty I can muster!! ha ha, they may laugh at me, but how many of them go home and try it for themselves?...Cheers Nell
LOL! Thanks for this hub, just what I needed. But I have to ask how you are doing now - at least 3 months later? Just gotta know! (And yes, if this is your pic, you look far to young and thin to have to worry.)
Ha Ha, thanks Rope, best complement ever! I am still pulling funny faces!! and as for this picture, this was the best of a very bad bunch!! photogenic I am not!! thanks for making me laugh. cheers Nell
Very wonderful hub, but here is some very important news all of your female readers need to know. Have a wonderful day :) http://hubpages.com/_1jlnpyoil2g4b/hub/thebeauty
Hi, zzron, thanks again Nell
I really enjoyed this Hub - glad I found you - and your photos are too much - cracked me up. Thanks.
Hi, suziecat7, thanks for the comments, I am one of those people that do try, I really do, but i cannot be ladylike for one minute, I forget when I am doing these facials that there really are people around me! they must think I am mad! thanks again Nell
This is the journey in life that I would like to learn and accept. I pray that in time, just as everyone does before me, I will be a gracious old person; that appearances does not matter but the way we deal with life is what matters most to live in serenity and gratitude. More power to you.
I try and remind myself that gravity is going to win eventually.
Hi, Teresa, yes you are right, i am trying to hold on to my looks! well that's if I had any in the first place!! ha ha thanks again. nell
Hi, Lovelypaper, ha ha I think it is trying it's hardest to grab hold now!! thanks again nell
What are you talking about, Nell? You're a beautiful woman.
Hi. Lovelypaper, Thanks for the compliment, but I think that the photo I used above, took me about an hour to get right! I am definetly not very photogenic! but thanks again. Nell
What is really horrible is noticing that fat ugly woman walking beside you at the mall just to realize its your reflection!
Hi, Pollyannalana, ha ha How did you know I had noticed my reflection? thanks again, nell
Nell - this one had me laughing all the way through. You have a way with words.
I remember a couple of different times in my life when I looked in the mirror and I, like you, wondered when did this happen? You got to fight it all the way.
Great Job!
Sage
Thanks Sage, I have given up trying to fight the fight, and tomorrow I am going to go and have electric facial thingy and microdermabrasion!!! so if it turns out okay, and I look beautiful!!!, I will tell everybody how good it is. If I end up looking like a lobster that has just been dropped in the pot, I won't bother....ha ha cheers nell
Nell, your humour is...exceptional! You have a way of turning wrinkles and frowns, lumps and bumps into hearty laughter...They say laughter is an excellent health booster, so reading your hub is in itself a super anti-ageing exercise :-))
Hi, Tulai, Thanks for the great comment. I always say, if you can't laugh at yourself, then everybody else will anyway! lol thanks again nell
Did I say "anti-ageing"? :-0
Ooops! That must be the perverse effect of French "anti-âge"(anti-ageing) media adverts!
It's definitely not what I meant to say. I rather meant to say: "...laughter is an excellent 'pro ageing-gracefully' exercise" :-)
My opinion on ageing has always been (and still is) that it is above all, natural. So I generally have issues with the use of the word 'anti'... :-)
Hi, Tulai, that's okay, I understand what you mean. I think it can be anti-ageing but natural. I would never have plastic surgery, or botox, but a few gentle exercises of the face are fine. Thanks again nell
Great hub! Just started face yoga.
I am a glutton for punishment I use a magnifying mirror to put on makeup. Afterwards it is always great to look in a normal one, feels like I have gotten a reprieve.
Hi, Justsilvie, ha ha that sounds just like me! thanks for reading it, cheers nell
I have found that if I look in a mirror at a room I get a whole different picture. Now I have discovered that if I catch an image of MYSELF in a window I see what is REALLY going on with my body. Yikes!!! But if you squink or leave your glasses off you really don't see nearly as much. I like that a lot.
b
Hi, sirrot, I know what you mean about the window! ha ha just leave the glasses off all the time! lol thanks so much nell
Im lovin this hub Nell!! Too funny :) Im definitely going to give these facial exercises a try... indoors!
Hi, Ashantina, lol glad you liked it, but whatever you do, don't practise them in front of the window! hee hee
Absolutely enjoyed reading your Hub! Still giggling! I like your look on aging and have to let you know I linked your Hub to the one I wrote about the similar subject.
Not very hard to find I guess. Your Hub needs to get as much readers as possible. Great job!
Voted up and shared of course!
Thanks escobana, glad it made you laugh, I can't wait to read yours too! lol!
Tom Cornett 2 years ago
This was funny! :) I look down at my ab...sigh....Thanks! :)