First Date Tips for Men of all Ages

Now we all know that men are big, macho guys. They can face anything that is thrown at them, because they are the big strong, male species. On a First Date They never get nervous, they never even flinch when someone says something embarrassing, or throw a wobbly in front of them. I am Man, hear me roar! Well, in fact what we have got here is more of a whimper than a roar.That's right. You heard me. Men are cowards, I say, cowards where women are concerned!

In front of their mates they preen and swagger, giving it the old, 'Yeah, I asked her out, and of course she said yes, its me your talking to, what else do you expect?' Then they swagger off, getting as far away from their friends as possible, and the second they get home they hide in their bedroom and bury their heads under the covers shivering in fear.

We ladies know its true, so don't you dare deny it! Those famous words First Date are rushing around your brain like a bee on a motorcycle. You start to sweat and panic because you realise that actually you forgot to buy that new aftershave that you wanted. And have you got deodorant? No? More panic, and then the possibility of hyperventilating because you are taking in too much air.

Relax guys! Don't worry, it will work out. Honestly.

Now, we can all laugh at this senario, but you have to remember that women go through it too. And the funny thing is, those horrible feelings of panic may be aimed at the younger guys, but never ever believe that it can only happen to them. Oh no. Here's the secret. Older men feel it too!

Mind you, I doubt that they boast to their mates then head for their bedroom, kicking dirty socks out of the way, but you never know. Each to their own. So here are a Few Tips For Men. And take notice, because it may make the difference between getting a new relationship, or sinking without trace back into the mire called real life. Work, friends, scrabble, home, and bed. On your own. Lonely. And sad.

So, listen up guys. If there is one thing that drives a girl mad, its being late. Even if its only five minutes, never ever, and I repeat ever be late. In fact be early. Why? Because if you are planning on meeting in a public place like a restaurant, or cinema, the woman always wants to see you standing there first.

Whether she is walking, or driving her car, her eyes will be super glued to that main entrance, trying to pick you out. The reason is that she will be nervous but excited. She expects you to know all the protocols, in other words, have nice manners. You are her pillar, the sturdy rock on which she may well hang her hopes and dreams on. Are you getting it yet? IT'S A TEST! for goodness sake, wake up! If you fail this first test, its over, nil, zippo, gone. Floundering like a dead fish in a dirty pond!

Women love the smell of men. It's a fact. Scientists have proved that women and men, flare their nostrils when walking past a nice smelling person. let's get technical for a moment. Pheromones. Yes those lovely little things that every body has. Why do you think that ugly people get gorgeous dates? It may well be their personality, but on a subtle level, its all to do with hormones.

So, now we have got that straight, why do men always forget that?! Answer the question, damn you! This isn't just aimed at the younger male of the species, it can be an older guy that gets this wrong too.

Whatever you do, do not, and I repeat do not, ever smother yourself in that 'orrible spray can stuff. It is revolting! People have died through breathing in that stuff! Fact! You cannot hide the smell of sweat with a bucket full of aftershave or a ton of smellies. Do you know, women can smell that clingy alcohol based ozone killing spray a mile away? It clings to the throat, and leaves an aftertaste that takes about a week to get rid of! There is nothing worse than getting down wind of an adolescent spotty youth covered in male perfume! Stinks, I say, stinks!

Soap and water. That's the best thing. Have a shower, make sure you dry all your lovely little bits and pieces, otherwise it makes the deoderant run down your arms and stick to your clothes, yuck! and then just add a splash of aftershave. A splash, not the whole friggin bottle! Got that? Good!

Now that you smell all sweet and clean, do not, I repeat do not just pick up your jeans from the floor and put them on again! It's a no no! Lay out the clothes that you are going to wear the day before, or if its a rush date, earlier in the day. Iron them, put them on hangers and don't forget clean socks. Women can smell sweaty feet from as far away as Texas. Unless they live in Texas, then Canada. That's far enough! Crusty old socks are a real sicky. Oh, and don't forget to cut your toe nails just in case you get lucky! Women notice that too!

Now we all know the protocol. Get date, turn up, and thrust a bunch of flowers under her nose. Or chocolates, whatever floats your boat. But there's one thing wrong with this idea. Make sure that you think it out first. If you are going to meet her at home, then flowers and chocs are a good idea, they break the ice, And while she is fluffing around trying to find a vase that isn't cracked, or covered in dirt in the back garden, this will give you time to adjust your tie, comb your hair or just take a breath. We all know for a fact that meeting someone for the first time, makes you gasp and wheeze, and suck in small gulps of air because you forgot that the natural thing is to relax. So, great idea. But not if you are meeting her outside.

Where is she supposed to stick the flowers? Don't answer that! but seriously, come on guys, you are standing outside the theatre, and there is nowhere to put them. Think! If this is the case then chocolates are the better option, at least you can leave them in your car and give them to her later. Unless its hot. Then they will be a globulus mess, oozing down your nice new seat covers, and congealing in a pool on the floor. One word for that. Sticky. So, never take anything with you unless you agree to meet at her house.

Now you are there. The date is going well. You smile in all the right places, laugh at her jokes, even if they aren't funny or you don't understand them, and the night is shiny and new. So here's just a few things that you must remember. Don't worry, the nagging is over. This is just a few after thoughts that came to mind.

Don't pick your nose! I don't care if it really is necessary, and that itch is just not going away, don't! Ever! If you want the woman to jump out of the chair and rush for the entrance like super girl on speed, then whatever you do, KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM YOUR FACE!

Do not scratch your crutch! I know they are new trousers, or pants, but I don't care. ALL ORIFICES ARE OFF LIMITS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

If you have a laugh that's a cross between a donkey and a gorilla, just smile and politely giggle in a manly way.

Offer to pay for the meal. Don't be tight. These days, a woman will automatically offer to pay half, but always offer first. If she doesn't give you some money towards the meal, don't glare at her and look at your watch! Manners maketh the man!

And finally, and this one is important so take note, when you get back to her place to drop her off home, never leap on her like a mating gorilla, always kiss her on the cheek and say goodnight. This way she will see you as a man of mystery. And you never know, she might just invite you in for coffee!

I am sure I have missed some important details, but I think this is enough to be getting on with!

So, Hopefully this will have sunk in! If you take notice of my expert advice, yes I said expert! then these First Date Tips for Men should help you on your way to having a great relationship.

Unless you have a strange and bizarre habit of course, something like fishing naked in a public park, but that's another story.........!

Copyright Nell Rose

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