Limericks - From Funny Famous Ditties To Rude Little Witty's!
90Limericks can be traced as far back in History as the fourteenth Century, starting in England. They were mainly used as nursery rhymes for children, but of course because they were short and to the point, they spread to the inn's and taverns and ended up being bawdy and rather rude! So, as I was in a particularly funny mood, I thought that I would add a few of my favourites here. There were so many to choose from, and I thought that I had better only choose the ones that weren't, well, too bad, if you know what I mean! as I didn't want to shock the more delicate sensibilities of some of the more refined readers! Which of course is all of you! As you are so well behaved and such genteel ladees and gentlemen, I suggest that you read them with one eye closed, and that way it won't be as shocking to your delicate systems! Ah Ha
The word Limerick comes from the town in Ireland called, well, Limerick! Which is situated in the southern part of the country. Where songs were sung, and the bawdiness of the drunken man and the strumpet inn keeper's daughter brought a new type of poetry mixed with hilarity and this is what made the chorus change and of course brought us the famous Limerick .All because people had had too much to drink!. So there you have it, mixing the English drunkards with the poetic Irish, we ended up with the mixture of Limerick that we know so well today! Anyway, off we go, and if anybody has got any good ones, please feel free to add them at the bottom. I of course, know that you will be very sensible and just add sweet little poems! Uh Uumm! Hick! Sooo Shorry, too much tooo drinkkkkkk...............!
Merry Meet My Friends here's to the Ale and the Bawdiness!
There was a old man from Sprocket,
Who went up to Space in a Rocket,
The Rocket went bang,
His gonads went clang,
And his bum ended up in his pocket.
There was a young woman called Sally,
Who loved an occasional dally
She sat on the lap
Of a well endowed chap
And said 'You're right up my alley.
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill can hold more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican.
by Dixon Merritt.
There was a young man from Savannah
Who met his end in a curious manner
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana
There was a young girl from Madras
Who had a most beautiful ass
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
But Grey with long ears, and ate grass
Anonymous
A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball
The square of his weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call!
There once was an artist named Saint
Who swallowed some samples of paint
All Shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint!
There once was a man from Bonaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the banister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her of in midair!
Limericks By Edward Lear
Just to prove that I do have a bit of culture in me, I thought I would add a few famous limericks by the poet Edward Lear!
There was a young lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin
So she had it made sharp
And purchased a harp
And played several tunes with her chin!
-
There was an old person of Dover
Who rushed through a field of blue Clover
But some very large bees
Stung his nose and his knees
So he very soon went back to Dover.
-
There was an old lady of Chertsey
Who made a remarkable Curtsy
She twirled round and round
Til she sunk underground
Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.
-
There was an old man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed
But some very large rats
Ate his coat and his hats
While that futile old gentleman dozed.
-
There was an old man in a tree
Whose whiskers were lovely to see
But the birds of the air
Plucked them perfectly bare
To make themselves nests in the tree
-
There was an old person of Ware
Who rode on the back of a bear
When they asked, 'Does it trot?'
He said 'Certainly not!'
He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon Bear!
Thanks to The www.jokespalace.com for a couple of the Rude Limericks. The rest are taken from a number of other share sites, so thanks to them. Oh, and a couple from me!
- Birthday Limericks
Don't be boring with your birthday card messages. Be original! Be fun! Write a limerick! - How to write a Limerick
The trouble with wearing the tartan /is everyone thinks you're a Spartan /who relishes cold /in the goolies. (I'm told /the best way to heat 'em is fartan!) A limerick is a short verse in a well-defined form which...
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- Nell Rose on HubPages
I live in Buckinghamshire, and have been writing for about twenty years. I had a couple of shorts stories published and a poem accepted for an...
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These are awesome, Nell! I'm glad you published this hub. Anytime I need a laugh, I can return here. You are BOOKMARKED! Great fun.
What fun, Nell. One of the great things about limericks is that the final "punchline" rhyme can almost always be guessed when the narrator and the listener share a similar background. Do you know the NPR (National Public Radio in the US) show, "Wait Wait -- Don't Tell Me!" A segment of the show allows participants to complete a limerick to win a prize. There's a great article on the process of writing those limericks (Zen and the Art of Limerick Writing) by the show's limerick writer.
http://www.npr.org/programs/waitwait/features/2001
I do think one should be under the influence to write them proper-like.
Great Hub, voted up and funny.
I haven't read a limerick in years. These are delightful!
I was laughing out loud reading these! Thank you for the fun!
Hi, Shalini, I will go and check it out, thanks for reading it, I was just in a funny mood! lol cheers nell
Hi, mythbuster, glad you liked it and thanks for bookmarking it, I had such fun trying to find some good ones, there were some really rude ones there that had me in hysterics! but I thought that I had better not put them here! lol cheers nell
Cheeky! I love it!
Hi, Sally, thanks for reading it, I will have to go and take a look at the radio limerick link, it sounds great fun, it was funny because when I was writing this, I couldn't help but keep reading all the limericks out to my son, he was in hysterics! I actually think the modern ones are so much more entertaining than the original ones by Edward Lear, but I think that was because our humour has changed somewhat! lol thanks again nell
Hi, Georgiakevin, thanks again, I am glad you liked it, I have no idea why this got started, I just went into one of my funny modes! lol cheers nell
Hi, SilverGenes, I am glad it made you laugh, i couldn't stop giggling! lol cheers nell
Hi, ahostage, thanks for reading it, I think we all need a laugh a day! cheers nell
Humerous, Nell Rose. Delightful entertainment. (:v
Fun and funny, my son will enjoy this. :)
I have never heard of anything like this before. Thank you for sharing and a good laugh.
Oh my - I love the gonads and they landed in his pocket - my problem is I can never REMEMBER these. I must start doing the Sarah Palin thing and writing them on my hand (and arm and maybe a leg or two) and then I shall be able to whip them out at a party! TOO hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
I've always loved Limericks and I do agree the modern ones are a lot more fun than the oldies. I never heard any of those you mentioned so thanks for the laugh!!
What's with Lear's habit of using the same word as a rhyme at the end? Pretty lame even for a classic limerick!
I have to check out that HP forum thread. Hope it's still going (and hope it's "safe":) Cheers!
OK here's one just as naughty/silly with a slightly different rhythm:
Cowboy Billy had a ten foot willie
So he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake
And now it's only ten foot four.
Humor is so very important to our daily lives. I smiled at the content in this Hub and that was a nice way to start the day :-) Thanks!
Hi, valerie, thanks for reading it, I am glad you liked it, cheers nell
Hi, Ingenira, I hope he likes them! lol thanks again nell
Hi, Hello Hello, some of the limericks are hilarious that I read and they always make me smile, thanks for liking it, cheers nell
Hi, Audrey, I am glad it made you laugh, you will have to carry a piece of paper around with you, and sneak it out ever so often and just quote one of the limericks! I was in a funny mood, so i couldn't resist it! lol cheers nell
Hi, Merlin, I take it you liked that one? ha ha thanks for reading it, cheers nell
Hi, Green Lotus, I have heard the Cowboy Willy! ha ha it's brilliant! thanks for reading this, i was in a funny mood! I will go and check out the link too, I hope it is still going on, that will be funny! thanks again nell
Hi, World-Traveler, I am glad I made you laugh! it's nice to have a good giggle occasionally, thanks again as always nell
another great hub from you Nell. But this is so funny. I enjoy to read this hub, until I found funny lyrics from you. Thank you very much. You have funny imagination. Little rude, but I really enjoy with that. Vote this Up.
prasetio
Hi, prasetio, thanks for reading it, it is one of our British traditions to write these sort of limericks! they have been around for a long time, but it is only recently that they have got rude! ha ha thanks for the vote, I really appreciate it, cheers nell
I tried to climb that tree
on the way up I skinned my knee
at the top got stung by a bee
where, don't ask me!
I need to pee!
not a good one I should have ended with
I needed to pee up in that tree. LOL have a great day!
Oh I like those!
I love limericks. In fact, it's the only kind of poetry I consistently like to write and read. I had a lot of fun with them in one of my creative writing classes and I'll share one with you I wrote about writer's block:
I can feel the block in my mind,
so pressured and unkind.
No words can escape,
no visions take shape,
screw it, I'll leave it behind.
Thank you for the laugh. I haven't read a limmerick since I don't know when. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
I thoroughly enjoyed this very funny limericks. I cannot recall any offhand. I suppose I could add: On top of old Smokey, all covered with cheese; I laid my first meatball, between my knees.
Hi, Sa'ge, ha ha brilliant, I wish I could make up a few more but my mind went blank! I actually wrote a couple of them because I had heard them years before, but I was in a funny mood! lol so I thought we needed a bit of light humour! thanks as always nell
Hi, marco thanks for stopping by, and I am glad you liked them, cheers nell
Hi, M. T. That sounds so familiar! lol thanks for stopping by, cheers nell
Hi, Koffee, thank you again, and I am glad it made you laugh, cheers nell
Hi, James, i remember that one! lol thanks for reading it, I could have written so many more but they were either too rude or too boring! ha ha thanks again nell
Hehehe... I can't stop laughing. Hehehehe...
by the way: 100! oh yeah! congrat, Nell!
Hi, Freya, Hee Hee now you are making me laugh! I am glad you liked it, and thanks for noticing my 100! yeah! I got there at last! cheers nell
Take a pic on the number, Nell, before it drop! Ah, I am not sure I will be get there.
Here's one rated "G" - actually one of my faves :)
There once was a man who was small
Who went to a masquerade ball.
He thought he would risk it, and go as a biscuit,
But a dog ate him up in the hall!
Hi, Freya, I was going too and then it dropped! ha ha but thanks anyway! thanks again nell
Hi, Green Lotus, brilliant! lol I sometimes think the not so rude ones are just as funny, thanks again nell
A Young Witch named Alice McFay
Would ride upon her Beasom each day
She would loop and then zoom
Around every room
Until the Celing Fan got in her way!
I enjoyed your Limericks, there great
Jon in Nashville
Your information is very informative about hub page community thanks for sharing
it is a long time since i recited limericks, it was a lovely flash back to the past thankyou
Hi, dutchman Jon! lol thanks for the limerick, I am trying to remember them all, I will have to write that one down! thanks nell
Hi, kingkhan, Ummmm, you lost me there I'm afraid, but thanks anyway! cheers nell
Hi, Joy, It's nice to do something that we haven't done in a while, I was just in a funny mood! ha ha thanks so much nell
Haha, the last time I remember hearing limericks like these, I was in the military. Brings back some fond memories, nice hub I needed a laugh!! =)
Hi,Japemwellows, I was going to go ruder but I thought I had better not! lol glad you liked them, thanks nell
Truly excellent, very funny and a splendid idea for a Hub. To my shame, I never conected limericks with Limerick (despite being a Brit.!).
Hi, culturespain, Thanks for commenting, I know what you mean, it took me a while to figure out the connection! lol glad you liked it, thanks nell
Nell,
This is understandably a very popular hub. Your limericks are humorous and smart and just the right amount of naughty. :-) They are so fun to read, but also fun to write. I wrote one recently that has gone missing, and I wish I could find it. I really enjoyed the one about Sally!
~AC
Hi, ACSutliff, thanks for liking it, I was going to make it a bit ruder then I thought, no don't push my luck! lol yeah I like the sally one too, just about right, but I think Edward Lear needed to take a few more poetry lessons!! ha ha thanks again nell
These are so funny! I am going to forward this to my brother-in-law, 'cause I know he will get a kick out of it! And I had never heard a one of these before.
My favorite ones have always been about the little boy Willy:
Willy saw some dynamite,
Didn't understand it quite.
Curiosity seldom pays.
It rained Willy seven days.
Hi, Ivorwen, ha ha that's great, I love limericks we have always made up some at home, and I was in a funny mood! so I am glad you liked them and I hope your brother in law does too, thanks for stopping by, cheers nell
LOL LOL hahahaha... these limericks are priceless. Thanks so much for the yucks!!!
Hi, pmc, lol glad you like them, I did have a few more, but they were, well a bit more rude! ha ha thanks again nell
This is my first time to hear about limericks. They are funny, but they can be a good lullabye.
HI, angel thanks for stopping by, yes they do certainly have a soothing rhythm to them, glad you liked them, cheers nell
What fun, I haven't read or written a limerick in years. And I do mean years because, while I recognized some, others I wasn't 'exposed' to in school nor were my children. Great treat to read them. Thank You.
Hi, raisingme, I was going to get ruder then I thought better of it! lol glad you liked it, I was just in a funny mood! ha ha cheers nell
I had to hit all your buttons because they are "all that". These are so funny. Thank you for a beautiful and funny hub! Great stuff!
Hi, Micky, ha ha I am glad you liked it, I was going to be ruder but thought I had better not! lol thanks nell
Hi Nell- What a wonderful diversion for an old rugger like me. All of are parties were bawdy and limericks were a fixture that induced competition and mixed well with the mud, the blood and the beer. Cheers.
Hi, Sligo, thanks for reading it, I thought you might appreciate this one! lol glad you liked it, cheers nell
Really good.Must read them again if the winter blues strike/
Hi, kathryn, glad you enjoyed them, and thanks nell
Limericks are always good, racy fun. Quite a few of these were new to me. Thanks for the post.
Hi, Doug, thanks for reading it, I love Limericks too, I was going to add a lot more, but couldn't find any innocent ones! lol thanks so much nell
i just needed it. thanks for the laughter. I bookmarked it to come back again and again when I am sad and need something get find refreshment.
Hi, saleheen, I am so glad you found it amusing, it is good when you can have a laugh, especially if you are feeling down, thanks so much nell
Thanks for the laughs. I am rather fond of these bawdy little ditties( careful!) and its great to hear some new ones.
Hi, Docmo, ha ha glad you liked it, and thanks nell
Thanks for the giggle! These were so fun!
Hi, NLL, glad you liked it! and thanks, nell
cool limericks :)
Hi, jamiecoins, thanks for the comment, glad you liked it, cheers nell
now these are really cute, I'm surprised I never found them before.
God Bless
Hi, vietnamvet, thanks so much, glad you liked them, cheers nell
A hubber of note is Nell Rose,
As her number of followers shows.
Full of wisdom and wit.
(Yes, I've read her a bit!)
So I'll follow her too, I suppose!
Very entertaininh hub! Thanks for the fun. PK
Hi, Thatguypk, lol brilliant! your a poet but I bet you didn't know it! thanks so much, nell
These are great! What an entertaining hub you wrote. I like your choice, ribald or not, it's just something to have fun with. Keep writing!
Hi, suzette, thanks! I love limericks I think they are the best sort of poems out there! ha ha
I found this extremely entertaining, thanks for the laughs.
made me smile bunches. :)
Hi, Dustin, appreciate it! glad it made you laugh, thanks!
Oh my, I'm blushing and LMAO!
Hi, lambservant, lol! I am glad you liked it! and you can stop blushing now! ha ha thanks so much for making me laugh! cheers nell
There once was a Hubber named Nell Rose.
Who resided in England not Melrose.
She wrote day and night.
To her reader's delight.
And never got out of her bedclothes.
Hi, rj, lol brilliant! how did you know? lol If I could stay in bed all day and just write, then I think I would be happy! as long as the coffee is on the go all the time that is!
"limericks can be traced back in history"
why they prompt a good eye is a mystery
I write them on Kane,
Maddie taught me the game,
but noting for me, cause i'd piss a streak
I'm brilliant but crude as i go
as in 'limericks'... not so naughty, i know
i play kinda wrough
pitty poets that bluff
my might and arms are night sticks, they glow
"if i could stay in bed all day"
only my pillow would get a good lay
i'd write all the time
a few limericks that ryhmed
maybe then my hubpages will pay
this is a prompt by green lotus upon her comment above: I like to be promtped in limericks, as a game to play
"Cowboy Billy had a ten foot willie"
but all the ladies thought he was just silly
so his heart wiped it out
ladies screamed "sour krout"
Said "No more women!!"... and took the motto of Philli
Fantastic. I have no abilities like this, but I am so happy to read your work. Voted up. Thanks for that Nell.
Hi, Shaisty, lol Brilliant! sorry it took so long to answer, I seem to be running around like a mad woman these last few days! but I love the little ditty! ha ha thanks nell
Hi, funmontreagirl, thanks most of its from history, but I did add a few! could do more, but a bit risque'! ha ha
Funny hilarious and enjoyable
Thanks Cresentmoon!
There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass
LOL!
;-) ;-) ;-)
Hi, Bella, thanks again, nell
Hi Nell, one of my hubber friends, kallini2010, just sent me a link to this hub of yours.... Oh, and how I needed all the smiles you’ve given me in here. These (above the belt) mixture of limericks of English drunkards with the (sober? – ha-ha) poetic Irish, is truly hilarious. I feel like writing a few myself. Just need some Irish beer.
Voted UP and awesome!
Nell, do you have any idea who painted that lady with the feathered hat?
Hi, Martie, I love limericks, I can't even remember why I started this hub, must have been in a joking mood! lol! I have looked everywhere for the photo, but this was before we were told to add links, and I wish I had now, I think, If I remember right, that I put in google search something like tavern wench, but I am not sure, sorry, I will take another look because its driving me mad now! lol! thanks for the read, cheers nell
I love limericks, I have so often downloaded podcast about limericks produced by the BBC. However, I did not know about its root.
This is funny and amusing, I enjoyed your work very much.
Thanks Vinaya, they are the one thing that always makes people smile when they hear them! glad you liked them, cheers nell
Thanks Lee, really funny! lol! but sorry I will have to take it off because its a bit naughty! haha!
Voted up, funny, and shared. Here's a Limerick that I heard in college from a music major.
There once was a man named Bela Bartok,
Who tied mandolin strings about his c***
With each erection he made,
A selection he played,
From Johann Sebastian Bach!
Even though I'm not a poetry buff, I did feel obligated to contribute to the genre, because of all the great Limericks out there. I actually put this one on my answering machine many years ago.
There once was a man named Larry,
Whose schedule was quite contrary.
If you want him to phone,
Leave your number at the tone,
And please, not in binary!
Hi Larry, haha! brilliant! loved the first one best! lol! thanks again, nell
Hi Nell, LOVE this hub! Interestingly enough, I find the first batch of limericks a lot more entertaining than Lear's... may I open my eye now?? Larry Fields... great response! Voted up and across and thanks for the entertainment. :)))) (fab. grafix!)
Hi Sue, lol! yes Larry is quite the poet don't you think? I am glad you liked it, we are always making up Limericks in my house! thanks!
I should have expressed myself more clearly. AFAIK, the Bartok limerick is the handiwork of Jim Wildman, whom I haven't seen in ages.
Nobody has ever accused me of being a poet before. Maybe a bar-room poet. Oh wait a minute; I just remembered that I don't frequent pubs. *sighs* Not even a bar-room poet.
Hi Larry, lol! if you are not a conventional poet then maybe you write limericks instead! lol! thanks for coming back, nell
Shalini Kagal Level 4 Commenter 21 months ago
Hi Nell - they're such fun, aren't they? There was a limerick thread in the forum that went on for a long time - there are some great ones there!
http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/17512