Transition: pt 4 Hormones, Senses, Then My Husband Fades.
85At night, when he got undressed for bed, I would look at him. he didn't look any different without clothes, so I could trick myself into believing that he was just Jake. Same as usual, nothing different. By this time we were not sharing a bed, a mutual agreement, but little did I know that this was going to be a very lonely and hurtful sign of things to come.
One night, a few weeks after taking his first estrogen hormone pill, he leaned over me to get something off of the shelf above my bed. It was funny really because there wasn't exactly a smell, but more of a subtle taste at the back of my throat. I wrinkled my nose.
'What the hells wrong with you?' he said.
'What's that horrible smell? I asked, looking around the room. It smelled musty, soft even. That is the only way to describe it. Actually, after thinking about it for a moment, I realised that it wasn't horrible but just different. Then it came to me. It was the smell of a woman. Usually you don't even think about it. You hug your mother, your friends and other women in your life, and because you don't need to notice it, your mind just accepts it. But I was used to smelling male pheromones. I love male pheromones. Especially when they are mixed with aftershave. When you are as 'straight' as me, you always notice a nice smelling man. whether it is a natural masculine smell or mixed with other perfumes it smells gorgeous. I have been known to follow a man down the street a few paces, just because I love the smell of his aftershave or sprays. It is what draws us. This is one of the main things that attract us in the first place, and then we meet and have a relationship. But this was different. It was horrible because I had become aware for the first time that my husband was becoming a woman.
It just felt so wrong. I could see him, I could hear him, but someone had changed the channel. Maybe that is why so many women know that their husband is having an affair. Not the perfume or the crinkled shirt that he throws in the back of the cupboard. But the soft musky smell. It repulsed me.
'You stink' I said.
'thanks a lot' he growled in my direction, and headed for the bathroom.
'Oh dear God' I thought, this is really happening.
when he came back, I looked at him properly for the first time. Then I looked a bit closer.
'Come here' I said.
He looked at me and slunk over to the bed.
'Sit'.
He sat. 'What?' he glared at me. Who the hell did he think he was? glaring at me. He was in the wrong, not me. I reached out and touched his arm. Flinching, he jerked it back and stood up. 'Now I know you are going mad' he said.'I am going mad? that's rich coming from you,' I yelled, 'look at you, you make me sick'. I rushed to the bathroom. I sobbed and cried until I was bursting.
'Nell come out and tell me what's wrong', he knocked at the door. I stayed in there for ages, until at last I opened the door and came out.
I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.
'You smell like a woman, and when I touched your skin, it was soft, so soft, the hardness has gone. The lovely tight skin that you had, the muscles that always held me, have turned soft, you feel like a woman, smell like a woman, I don't know you'.
I went over to my bed and pulled the covers up over my head. There was nothing left to say to him.
I thought, in my stupid naive way that maybe I could still cuddle him, give him a hug when I was feeling down. I don't think anybody realises that a persons smell becomes a habit, an addiction if you like. But on a more subtle level. We get used to using all our five senses and we feel safe in the knowledge that everything is as it appears to be. how many times have you leaned over and smelled your wives perfume when you were hugging her? Or your husbands male huskiness. Too many times to mention. You do it automatically, and the receptors in your brain are fulfilled and you leave with a relaxed and warm feeling. When it is taken away from you suddenly, it is like being addicted to cigarettes or alcohol, you start to get cravings on a subliminal level. Little did I know that this would be one of the most hurtful parts of the whole process. Not only was I losing a man that I had lived with for years, but I the last vestige of him was being taken away in my sense of smell as well. It is not something that you would even think about, it never crossed my mind. I felt that I may as well live with someone completely different, what was the point of living with someone who was a complete stranger in every sense? Literally.
A brief explanation.
Up until now I had tried to ignore what was going on around me. I tend to do that when I am trying to hide away from things that confuse me or hurt me. I just pretend that everything is normal in my life and there is no one determined to snatch away the last part of my sanity. We forget in our everyday lives that we use five senses, sight taste hearing touch and last but not least smell. Oh we know when we are burning down the kitchen after another unsuccessful attempt at trying to cook something different, like I tend to do quite a lot. Well, not exactly burn it down, but believe me, I have nearly done it a few times. And we of course know the smell of flowers and perfume, car fumes and gas leaks. That is what it is for, making sure that we are careful, knowing when something is rotten so that we don't eat it. But have you ever thought of the more subtle smells that we just don't even think about? I remember reading once, that if a woman is put in a room with a hundred smelly T shirts, she can always sniff her way to finding her own husbands shirt? Fascinating, eh?
Hormones and Therapists.
Jake had been taking female hormones for about six weeks.These consist of the hormone Estrogen. They are given to people that want to change because after the operation that will remove all of his male parts, the Testosterone in his body will more or less disappear. if he doesn't get any hormone replacement, he will develop brittle bones and feel ill and tired. Estrogen has another function as well. It is taken to make the skin soft and pliable, and develop breasts. This process can take anywhere between a few months, possibly even years. He will never be able to stop taking them as his health will suffer. The problem is that the second he starts a course of estrogen, he can start to develop hot sweats stomach cramps and depression, sound familiar? Welcome to the world of womanhood! So of course, now that he was becoming more woman like, he had to start wearing the clothes. At first I couldn't tell any difference in his appearance. At this stage, he was trying to be subtle, not wear anything that would give him away to much, when he was down the town or just visiting someone. He said that he would do it this way as a favour to me. Cheers mate, ta, very kind I'm sure. He had been to Charing Cross hospital for many psychological sessions to make sure that he knew what he was doing, and more importantly, let the Doctors know that he wasn't mad, and this is what he really wanted to do. Everybody that wanted to change had to go through this process. They also had to dress as a woman for two years to make sure that it wasn't just a faze they were going through. He passed with flying colours. Bully for him. He did this by going to London and living there a few days at a time. But when he was with me he tried to be more caring. Ha.
A strange reaction on my part.
I have read so many stories of women blaming themselves for their husbands infidelity, as though it was something that they had done. But the one peculiar side effect of it is the way that we react. I know that my husband hadn't cheated on me, but it was the same principal. I began to feel less like a woman. It was a strange feeling. I had always felt a bit flirty not only with my husband but men in general, like every woman does. But now I found it hard to talk to men. I felt fat disgusting and unattractive. I didn't know how to act around him. The boundaries were all fuzzy. i started to get territorial about my things. I was the woman not him, so why was he reading my magazine? Go buy your own! This is my patch not yours. I felt like an animal that had her den invaded. We are not aware before something like this happens that we all have our own roles. Not just the obvious ones, but things on a more subtle level. And now they had been crossed.
So if you are reading this with your partner in the room. Stop and look across at them. Try and imagine all that I have written. Then go and give them a big hug, and breath in their scent. And know the familiar. But never take it for granted.
Ian Somerhalder the most gorgeous of the Male species. I bet he smells fantastic!
Just for fun!
I thought I would lighten the mood with a couple of pictures of the most gorgeous man in the world! Damon Salvatore The Vampire Diaries. Every house should have one!
If you found this interesting then you can read the continuing story below.
- Transition: pt 3: A Job, a court Case, A Sneaky Reporter. The day we ended up in That's Life Magazin
If any of you read my first story about my husband and his change, then you will understand that it was not only difficult for both of us, but that didn't even include the outside world. I was just getting to... - Transition of my Husband pt 2 Closed Curtains and a Nightmare in the Pub.
This is the story of inbetween. The feelings and hurt that came with the realisation that my husband would never be the same again. He wanted to be a woman. Continued. Time goes on, as it does. For the... - The Transition of My Husband: The True story of my Life with a Transsexual
I stood on the stool, looking into the top cupboard of the wardrobe. I stared for about five minutes, and my mind didn't really understand what it was seeing. I had been foraging around for a pair of pajamas,...
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I am sorry that the normal talkative me cannot say anything right now except I understand how you felt.
Oh..now I have something to remember..yes, my nose is so very sensitive as with all of my physical senses..and Nell, I can tell you, when I was married, I even loved the smell of my husband's sweat...
I gave him a hard time about it, but the truth was that I enjoyed it..the smell of a man!!
There..
big hugs..
Melinda
I have lost my husband, not in the same way that you have but lost him nonetheless to the damage caused by multiple strokes and the medications. While my circumstances are not the same I certainly understand the emotions you are going through. You will find your way through this Nell, your bold and beautiful spirit shine through your pain and it will not be denied forever. I found myself one day feeling so very resentful and thought I cannot go through the rest of my life feeling this way, it is not who I am. From that point on, moment to moment I made and do make it a habit be aware of my mood level and to make conscious choices about raising it - hence raisingme. I never thought about the "smell of a man" (we could make a movie - opposite to "The Scent Of A Woman") but now that I have read your hub I realize that too is part of my loss as the medications have certainly had an effect on that as well. It is a challenge to live a life we just aren't "wired" for. Bless you on your journey!
Ive felt this recently. Staring at the man you have loved for so long, known so well, you have evey inch of him memorized. You look at his face, his ams, his cest, and hes dead. Some stanger is walking around with your husband's face. How to deal with the grief, The pain and loss, the death of an alive person? And the smell, I have been acutely aware of my husbands smell since I was 17 and first knew I was in love with him. How I crave his smell when hes gone...I have always felt it was nearly impossable to explain, and you have done it beautifully. Oh, and thank you for "lightening it up a bit." I might have to watch that show after all!!
Nell, another stirring chapter, another touching read (or should I say "smelling" read :) Everything is so real here, I feel it all and feel for you.
I never thought much about male pheromones but I do love the way my husband smells (every bit of him). I've always been that way...I remember several old boyfriends who had left me for one reason or another. I'd keep smelling a shirt or trinket they had left behind to keep the good memories alive.
Dear Nell...thankyou for continuing the story...I know it must be hard for you at times and yet I think of the times I have kept thoughts to myself...and felt I needed to tell someone how I felt. I am supposing that you are implying that he had surgery to rid himself of his man parts? Just wondering. I know what you mean about the smell...I used to tell my husband I could pick him out in a crowd of men just by his scent...He would always come back with a comment that would be somewhat crude in relations to him trying the same experiment with women...I don't think he got what I was trying to tell him.
Hi, SilverGenes, thanks again for reading it, I never knew about the brother experiment, only the husband one, but it just goes to show how we do use our other senses without realising it, I have noticed more these days when I go past a nice smelling man that I actually breath in deeper when he goes past! lol but that is what we all do, but never take any notice! thanks nell
Hi, Melinda, thanks for stopping by, I think that we all forget what we do and see smell and touch etc, we do it automatically, it is only when someone reminds us that we become aware of it and say, I never thought of that! thanks again I really appreciate it, cheers nell
Hi, raisingme, I am so sorry for your troubles, mine seem so insignificant compared to yours, because I can walk away sometimes for days before I go back, and also, in your case it was something that happened outside of both of your control. Where as Jake did this to himself. As you said, we both have to do it bit by bit, for our own peace of mind. I sometimes wish that I was a hard sort of person that could just walk away and sod everybody else. but i am not, i have my brother living around the corner, he is on his own, and my son still lives here or just around the corner with his friends, where would I go? I know so many people that go from one relationship to another at the drop of a hat, so to speak. how do they do that? thanks so much again, cheers nell
Hi, DoorMattnomore, I think that is the one thing that nobody even thinks about, and would never even register the fact about the male smell. that is why I wrote it, I wasn't sure whether to or not, because I didn't want to sound weird! but so many people now seem to understand exactly what I mean. it is horrible when we see our husbands, but they no longer look or 'feel' like the person we have met. thank you so much for reading it, cheers nell
Hi, Green Lotus, I wasn't sure how to write this, because sometimes something is 'emotional' on a subliminal level, and the only way I could say it was smell. it is difficult to explain, but thank you for understanding what I am trying to say, cheers nell
Hi, Enlydia, ha ha typical man! they never understand the subtleties of things, but yes this was a big part of the 'losing' if you know what I mean. he did have the whole operation, but that is another story that I will cover soon. pretty hard that one will be though, but I will try and convey it as well as I can. thanks again nell
Hey, Nell,
My son uses a cologne..old spice. All the men in my mother's side of the family used it and once in a while Paco Rabanne.
I have forgotten "the scent of a man, naked next to me"..lol..so thank you for that reminder..lol.
You will find him..the one best for you.
Much love always,
Melinda
Nell, I feel for you. I hope you are ok. I can not imagine what you were going through. Thank god you had your son. You are a strong person. Hang in there.
Your friend, Tina
Hi, Melinda, i used to love Aramis aftershave, I would follow a man anywhere when he was wearing that! lol I think we do forget how we used to be, with them by ourside, I think I need to go find a man! ha ha thanks again nell
Hi, Tina, thank you so much for reading it, it was hard at the time, but I seem to have got used to things these days, the trouble is I need to go out more to find a real man again, I have got stuck in this habit of being indoors and not going out, this needs to change. thanks again nell
Nellie - you write about this so beautifully and I can just feel how hard it was for you! Wishing something would not be a certain way is something I've dealt with too but not on the same level. I think you handled it all with spunk and spark - and you still are! I laugh at parts and cry at parts because I know about disappointment in someone you love and how you just never saw it coming. Isn't that the worst of it?
I know that you are still friends, so that makes me feel better for you - but it doesn't erase the fact that you are a treasure to have come through the fire so bravely. I admire you for writing about it because you know you are not the only person this has happened to!
Nell, your story would make a great movie! I hope the two of you can now be great friends! You have lost a husband, but you can gain a wonderful friend! If this were a movie I would have to watch it! Love you Nell, Hugs! ~aloha~
HI Nell, could just hug you for what you are going through. Hard to fathom the why's but you have brought up an interesting point in regards to our "smeller's'. They are very sensitive, blindfold tests have proven that over the years.
Know that you are loved friend, first by the Father and then by all whom you have shared this journey with.
Blessings and Hugs
Hi, Audrey, thanks for reading it, it is amazing how many people have contacted me on here and other sites about the same thing, I never realised that there were so many people that this had happened too either their husband or father. so I hope it helps, and don't think I didn't get my own back, that story is coming next! lol cheers nell
Hi, Sa'ge, i wish this was a movie! I could get paid lots of money! lol thank you so much again I really appreciate it, cheers nell
Hi, Quill, I hope people don't think that I am moaning in any way about this because I know that there is a lot more horrible things going on in the world. this is a strange story, but we are both okay in our own way and that is what matters, I just wanted to write it so that it would help someone else hopefully, thank you so much again and a great big hug to you. nell
You are such a wonderful person, Nell. My full respect admiration to you. To openly and with such details of your emotion is fantastic. When something like that happens the worst thin is that you feel utterly alone. With you great courage to write about it - it is amazing that so many people experience the same thing which helped them and helped you. Still I admire you for standing it all through and writing about it. Thank you.
Hi, Hello Hello, thank you for reading it, I really appreciate your comments, I just hope that if there is anybody else out there that is going through this with a husband or even a son, then they need to know that they need not go through the suffering of it alone, there are so many people out there that have trouble with their gender, hope this helps them. cheers nell
Another great hub from you. I really enjoy this one. I read this from word by word. The conclusion is beautiful. Thanks for share with us. You are really wonder woman. Vote this Up.
Prasetio
Hi, prasetio, thank you so much for your nice comments, and I really appreciate you reading it, and thanks for the vote, it always makes writing it worthwhile, nell
After reading the first 3 parts, I was really hopeing you will continue the story of your stuggle. I can only imagine how hard it was and how emotional has been for both of you. You did a fantastic job at sharing those feelings with courage and dignity and I just hope you have adjusted and accepted it was nobody's fault.
A long time ago I saw the movie "The scent of a woman" and as I read your story I remembered the powerful emotions of a blind man that could identify his lover by her scent. Thank you again for trasting us enough to open up and let us into your world.
Hi, Petra, thanks again for reading this, I wasn't sure how to write this, because it was quite difficult to explain it, but it was just one of those little things that we don't tend to realise until it suddenly becomes obvious that this will change the sense of smell because of perfume hormones etc, it was a very strange time where my husband was concerned. thanks again nell
Your story breaks my heart...after reading this, I found an article written by a man who did what your husband did...he was very sorry that he had the operation and realized that the issue went deeper than wanting to be a woman...he realized that he really didn't want to be a woman, but he had identified emotionally with their hurts...he felt like he had been betrayed by the culture, the media, the training of children etc...and of course, once it is done, "there are no takebacks"....so sad and so wrong. Sometimes I wonder if the sensitive man feels he must be a woman inside because he is sensitive...he relates to compassion and nurturing...and wants to avoid the hardness of the male culture...he sees the silks and satins and the long soft hair of the woman and thinks "that is what I want"...and doesn't realize that that is just facade too.
Hi, Enlydia, this sounds so familiar, I have seen TV prgrammes about this sort of thing. I remember seeing one man in a newspaper that had a change to a woman, then back to a man! obviously he couldn't function properly as a man, but this is wrong in the way that they are supposed to see psychiatrists for at least two years before they do it. What sort of psychiatrist couldn't see through this man? it seems he was let down by the person that was trying to help him. some people just need a psychiatrist! for everyday things, thanks again nell
Nell Rose, These are indeed things i had not thought of. Sad and interesting story. I think this would be a very difficult thing to deal with. (:v
Hi, valerie, sometimes we don't even realise that these things like our senses do a lot, but it is only when it happens, that I realised how much I missed the sense of smelling a nice after shave or just a male itself. it was really strange, I am much more aware of it now, I realise that there is more to marriage than just seeing the person. thanks as always nell
Pheromones are extremely powerful, no doubt.. it's a wonder it didnt drive ya crazy, all that gender confusion.
It does make interesting reading, but whew!!
Keep your head up!
Nell, I've read your account with interest, but it's nothing I have any first-hand experience with; so what strikes me about your Hubs on this is that they will probably be helpful to someone else going in a situation like the one you've gone through.
Maybe I've missed it somewhere, but I'm wondering if there are support groups or organizations for spouses of people who change their sex.
Another interesting hub, Nell. You made me think about smells. I am allergic to so many colognes, perfumes, and aftershaves. I prefer smelling a man's sweat to someone who has tried to hide that odor.
I also still feel sorry for both of you, each with an identity crisis.
Hi, carolina muscle, I got myself confused! lol but it did get better! I found other means, so to speak! ha ha thanks as always, nell
Hi, Lisa, thanks for reading it, I didn't know whether to start this story or not, but it seems to be of interest and people have been great. I think there must be some sort of support for wives, but I felt that I had to tackle my husbands situation on my own, thanks nell
Hi, mysterlady, thanks for reading it, I know what you mean about being alergic to perfumes and aftershaves, my son covers himself with a spray that makes me itch, I have to open all the windows when he has done it. some of it can be quite dangerous, thanks for commenting, cheers nell
You are amazing, what a writer you pulled me in from the first sentence. Yes I know what you are saying about the male hormone or smell. I love the smell of after shave and the manly smell, the hard body and tight skin. If you are a true lover of men like I can see you are, how hard this must have been for you. I hope that since then you have had some wonderful sex with some amazing man........lol
Hi, dawmM, thanks for writing, it was a hard time and it was a strange thing to notice, I would never in a million years have even have thought of it, but I certainly have had a few great times since! lol thanks nell
enjoyed reading this article... i'm getting married in october and enjoyed recieving tips.. a few of the stages we have already passed just by moving in together but thank you for the advice!!
Hi, Isy this is about a marriage breakdown, so I don't think you should really take advice from this, but thank you for reading it, cheers nell
You are such a great writer Nell! Whatever you write I want to read. It's because I think a lot of your talent - but I think a lot of you. Thank you for being here Nell!
I can easily imagine that although your husband did not cheat on you, he chose to leave in a sense. You were left with a stranger and it's easy to imagine that you would be resentful and feel lost.
I'm still very sorry that you've had to experience this, but I must admit some of the details have been quite thought provoking.
Hi, Micky thank you so much for such a nice compliment, and I am glad you like coming over, hugs to ya, cheers nell
Hi, mulberry, thanks for reading it, it is a very strange and weird situation, but I find that by writing it down it seems to get it in perspective, and also it reminds me of how much I have been through with this, I just wish he would move! lol thanks again nell
Hi Nell, I have never experienced the smell of others but I think the people that do are richer. I have a friend that is exactly like you (and this "ability" got her in big problems!).
It is amazing how people get attached to their past.
Hi, cameciob, I think that we don't notice how others smell apart from if their perfume or aftershave are very strong, and I do think that sometimes we do remember things from our past just by smell, but you are right it is a shame that it was something that I had to learn by my husband changing, thanks as always nell
Nell, this is really sad but beautiful. You described the pain in the heart of a wife whose lost his husband in very detail and dramatic way. Your story really captured my attention. Great work, Nell. And you should start making a book from this and send it to publisher or production house so they can turn it into book or movie.
Hi, Freya, thank you so much for your kind words, I would love to get it published but i am not sure if it is good enough, or how to go about it, but thank you again, cheers nell
It is good enough. Just start contacting some publishers. There are thousands. You can use your Hubpages as writing samples to show them. Your book will sell. An alternative is just to copy and paste all the Hubs together that have the content you want to use, paste them onto MicroSoft Word, type up a title page and use a photo, add a table of contents, set up a PayPal account and start selling your books online. I have done that. My four books are being sold via my Hubpages!
Hi, World-Traveler, thanks for your help, I am not sure how to go about this but I will definetely have a go, I was also going to ask you about selling links etc? that you mentioned the other day, any ideas on how to start doing that? thanks for reading and being so helpful, cheers nell
I greatly appreciate your continued account of your experience. I felt for you and Jake when he asked you what was wrong. No one is transsexual because they want to be. Most fight it as long as they can. When Jake took his first hormones I am sure he was hoping it would take longer than it did for you to notice. When you did notice as soon as you did it must have really hit him hard. The sadness and loss that you felt must have been so painful. My heart goes out to you both.
Nell, you are still full of life and spirit. Please get the hell out of the house. You only live once and it goes by fast!
Hi, Georgiakevin, thanks for stopping by and reading it, it was difficult at the time because you get so used to being with someone and you don't want to change anything, but like anything it goes on for such a time that we now have fallen into a new routine, I am not happy, I would love a new partner but I seem to have lost my mojo now! and I think that there is no one out there that even notices me anymore, this is not feeling sorry for myself but simply the truth, thanks nell
Hi, Granny's House, nice to see you, I wish I could move but I have too many people relying on me and I also do not have the funds to move, so I have to make do with what I have, I am lucky in a way that we do get on as friends, but sometimes I wish for a male companion, just to make me feel like a real woman again, cheers nell
Your writing shows that you really have a kind heart. i am sure that you make an impact on so many people's lives that you are not aware of even Nell. How is Jake doing? It must be so difficult for you both.
Hi, Georgiakevin, Jake is fine thank you, we tend to talk to each other throughout the day but he then stays in his own room and I go about my life seperately now, its not ideal but that is the way that it seems to have worked out, thanks again nell
Nell I am more impressed by you each time I read a post by you or your comment.It seems as though Jake has many other problems beyond being transsexual. I hope Jake gets a handle on them.
Hi, Georgiakevin, I think the main problem was that he was so caught up in himself that he forgot about the rest of us, the trouble was that I had knowhere else to go, and my stubborness in not putting any pressure on my mother or father who were ill at that time didn't help, Jake did have a lot of problems and maybe because I was feeling so vulnerable I didn't know how to deal with it, so did the only thing I could, I buried my head in the sand so to speak, all I remember at that time is, don't let my parents know, it will hurt them, it was my problem and I had to sort it, thanks again for reading this, cheers nell
I used to think that all the time when my husband was mad at me, I always thought 'who are you to be upset, you're in the wrong'. Your story is captivating.
Hi, Char M, I know, isn't it maddening? they just cannot see the fact that it is them that is wrong! Jake makes it sound as though there is something wrong with my way of thinking, not his! incredible! thanks again for reading it, cheers nell
I think it is great you stayed even if you felt you had no where else to go. It must be tough, almost like your husband has died, its not like you can bump into him on the street and get the old feeling back. Its gone it is literally another person and you transition over to being what, you married a man but now your in a same sex relationship. That must be tough, as he sounds like he thrived as he finally felt he could be himself. But you are in a position and a relationship as a straight woman that you didn't sign up for. I know getting married is a lot, its a huge commitment, but to change the gold posts almost 2 decades into the game...that is mentally stressful to get your head around it. Just sitting here thinking what on earth would I do if my husband did that. I wouldn't want to live with a woman, I like men, I choose men. Don't take any rubbish from anyone Nell, with people you love falling off their perch right left and center, a teenage kid, your own health problems and this, I would have had to have been institutionalized for a year.
Hi, not white trash, thank you so much for commenting, It was so hard at the time, I thought I would have been stronger to get rid of him, but it didn't work out like that as I was ill, maybe it would have been different if I wasn't, but that's life, and don't worry I don't take it now from anyone! lol cheers nell
I also really tunned into scent and I really can imagine your feelings when his scent changed.
As I said before you need to write a book your writing makes one look forward to the next chapter.
Hi, Justsilvie, it was horrible, it was something I had never even thought of, so it turned out to be one of the most unexpected things of it all, I am going to try and market it, but I don't really know how to do it, but I will try, lol I hope it works, thanks nell
"And know the familiar. But never take it for granted."
Don't answer any of my questions in the first three parts Nell.Just don't respond. You've put in a lifetimes learning into this one.AND I AM NOT RESPONDING in the manner of social networking where one can have 3452 friends who ooohh and aaah after everything you say.I am speaking fro my heart which at the moment does not know where to turn after having read all four parts of your hubs.
may i give you a hug Nell.And it is more for me than it is for you,Like your husband all of us men are selfish.I agree.
Thank you so much neeleshkulkarni, I really appreciate that, it was a very strange time, and not one that you are trained for! everything else you can manage because you know of someone who has gone through it, divorce, infidelity and so on, but not this, yes we got a divorce ten years ago, and we now just share a house, its not ideal, but its more to do with our finances than anything else, thank you so much for the hug, nell
Umm, yeah I get that its different and even confusing having to go through that change with your husband. But, I honestly don't feel sorry for you. Being Transgender myself what right does this give you to hate "HER" for who she wants to be? There is nothing wrong with being who you are. Seems, you are the one who has the problem. And being her I'd move away from you. You give a bad name to the Transgender community. And, I think its you whom is wrong here. But, about the senses sure every women and man has senses. Just women's are stronger in the sense of smell and all that. But, please for your own sake don't hate her for being who she wants to be nell. It really makes you look bad.
Hi, Nexy, I take it you haven't read the rest of my articles about this? No? didn't think so! this was about the time it had just happened. I was in shock. In case you don't remember, when someone marries you as a man and stands before God saying they will be with you etc, you don't expect them to change to rules a few years down the line! Oh by the way, I know we have been married 15 years but actually I want to be a woman?!!!
yep, makes sense! Transgenders are self centered and selfish. there I said it! they expect their wives to support them, stay with them and going shopping for clothes!! What?! would you do that if your wife said, darling I am going to become a man, so therefore you have to take up football, put up with my hairy legs, and if the beard itches, tough! men and women should not get married and have a child if they feel like this. Yes, of course you should be who you want to be, but to stay at home and not leave is selfish pure and simple. I had nowhere else to go, so he should have left. saying that, if you read the other hubs, obviously you didn't, you would see that I stuck by him, stopped the bullies, got into a well known magazine and kicked ass! and, this is the most important thing, we still live together now, ten years later! we are the best of friends and if anybody picks on him/her they have me to answer to! go read the rest then get back to me, and never ever judge someone until your read all the facts!
SilverGenes Level 4 Commenter 22 months ago
Nell, this is yet another beautiful and poignant recounting of your intensely personal experience. Scent is truly wired into us. I saw a program last week where a group of women were to choose (blindfolded) the nastiest smelling T-shirt out of several options. Every woman chose her own brother - nature's way of ensuring we aren't attracted to him, even if we don't know him. We're not so far away from nature as we sometimes like to think. Thank you once again for sharing your experience. Big hugs!