My Present To Santa This Christmas! Poem
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When Santa came down the chimney
All he'd hoped for was a plate of mince pies
But I stood there in my bikini
Hoping to give him a great big surprise.
-
You should have seen his face when he saw me,
All he did was stand and stare
Then slowly his legs went all wobbly
As he took in my body all bare.
-
He said, Lady dont'cha think its a bit risky?
Doin' that right by the front door?
For us to get a bit frisky?
I said, Take your suit off and lay on the floor.
-
Well, it went like it does,
And talk about fuss,
When his beard kept on ticklin' my bits
I said, Take that thing off your chin,
Else it goes in the bin,
Its itching my flippin' great...zits! (Well, what did you think I was going to say?!!)
So, he did as he was told,
Til we started to get cold,
And the sun had come up in the sky
Then, I said, right now go
Cos its started to snow,
Be gone now, it's time to say goodbye.
-
He smiled just a bit, and juggled my zit!
Til the grin on his face told me more
He said, well now, we'll see
Shall I come back at three?
And carry on as before.
-
But, smiling sadly, in fact rather gladly,
I said, no its over, go home.
He started to ask, was I up to the task?
No, I said, next time send one of your gnomes.
-
So the moral of this tale If you really must know
Is to drink Egg Nog and not Vodka Snow,
So when a jolly fat man, with a costume so red,
Falls straight down your chimney,
JUST GO BACK TO BED!
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
And watch out for that man in the red suit! Dodgy character!
Copyright Nell Rose
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Oh, Nell! Your my hero! haha! love yaz, and Happy Christmas! lily
Thank God for central heating. (No more chimnies).
Have a great Christmas Nell.
This is the best laugh I have had in a long time. Thank you! Oh, and I must say that one young Santa looks totally hot in a major way. Merry Christmas!
Hi, Susan, don't forget, Santa will look like the second photo when you drink too much vodka! ha ha! thanks for reading, cheers nell
Hi, lily, have a great Christmas! and thanks as always, nell
Hi, Christopher! lol! he may climb in the window! thanks again, and have a great Christmas!
Hi, poet, he can get into my Christmas stocking anytime! lol! thanks and have a great Holiday, and new year!
I was not expecting to see that naked santa at the end. Lol.
That was crazy! lol
Hi, rorshak, not something you see every day! lol! thanks for reading, cheers nell
Hi, Jen, lol! glad you liked it, and thanks!
Oh, no...glad dinner is over! lol
But thanks for the smiles!
I agree with you 100%! lol lol lol
Hi, Jackie, lol! sorry for the shock photo! couldn't help it! ha ha! have a great Christmas!
Hi, Cardisa, lol! I knew you would like it! watch out for that man in a Santa suit!
Hella funny one, Nell! (^_^)
Rated up for the best pics on hubpages!!! (Too bad that last one reminds me of Dumbledore - ROFL)
ROFLMAOPMP!! That was a perfect end for a frustrating day!
Hi, Kiela, Dumbledore! LOL! that's so funny! thanks for reading, I couldn't resist that last picture! who could?
Hi, DzyM, what more could a girl want? LOL! thanks!
I like your prose about Santa, and the picture was too much. I laughed and laughed, he won't have to worry about women chasing him. He is too fat and out of it. Good picture.
Wonderful Nell, thanks for the laughs:-)
This was OUTRAGIOUS! I laughed so hard, I was snorting! I couldn't help but pass it around. Merry Christmas, Nell, I hope you find a Santa like photo number two, under your tree this year. Voted up!
Hi, Nan, lol! glad you liked it, it just goes to show the virtues of not drinking this Christmas! thanks again nell
Hi, tipoague, lol! I wish I could find one like photo two, any idea where I can get in contact with him? south pole or north? ha ha! thanks for reading, and I am glad it made you laugh!
Hi, Movie, nothiing like a good laugh at Christmas! lol! thanks!
And everybody have a Great Christmas!
Nell I'm still laughing! Your poem is evil wicked lady and what in heck does "ticklin my bits" mean? I Saw Momma Kissing Santa Clause never had it so good! Merry Christmas Nell!!
Hi, Alastar, my bits? well, my nose, and my toes! lol! what did you think I meant? ha ha! Momma kissing Santa was a little bit old fashioned for me, so I thought I would liven it up a little! Have a great Christmas, and New Year! thanks Nell
You livened it up alright. Nose and toes eh, okay, if you say so..LOL! Thanks again for the delightful naughty-funny poem Nell.
LOL Nell! You gave me a welcome laugh for Winter Solstice, thank you!
Hi, Alastar, well I couldn't really write the real meaning could I? lol! oops! thanks and I am glad you liked it, cheers nell
Hi, beth, couldn't help it, the words popped into my head and I thought, better write them down quick! just goes to show how my mind works! lol! glad you had a laugh, cheers nell
Naughty Nell?
Who knew?!!
Thanks for the chuckle, Nellie - and I believe that is Bob in the last photo posing in his ah...birthday Santa suit~~
Delightful bit of glee for December 22nd - laughing and laughing and now have dribbled coffee on meself~
Happiest of Holidays!!
This one is priceless! I'm still laughing! When I first began to read, I thought, oh no, I'm not liking this. But, of course at the end, I'm cracking up. Voted you UP, funny, etc.
Up and very funny, Nell!
Hi, Will, sorry your first comment never showed for a while, thanks for coming back, glad you liked it, couldn't resist! I was stood at my kitchen sink humming away to myself and started singing this little song, and it turned into a poem! lol! have a great Christmas!
Hi, Audrey, lol! now I have a picture of Bob in my head! thanks for that! ha ha! couldn't resist this, it just popped into my head and I thought, well why not? have a Great Christmas, and New Year! thanks!
Hi, mary, lol! don't worry I would never be rude, well only a little bit! glad you found it funny, and thanks! have a great Christmas!
I can't stop for laugh. You make Christmas more colorful. Dear friend, before the holly Santa Claus knock at your door, please allow me to be the first person to wish you “A MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR” GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Prasetio
Hi, pras thanks so much! I am glad you found it funny! thought I would bring a smile to peoples faces, thanks! and have a great Christmas or Holiday! Nell
Oh dear how did I miss this. It made me laugh all the way through. Christmas Day had the good food family all gone and here is this cute poem. Thank you so much I loved it.
Thanks for making me smile. The naked Santa at the end is a bit surprising. Enjoyed reading your poem :)
Hi, mljd, Christmas went by so quickly, mind you after I ate all that food I just wanted to sleep! lol! thanks for reading, cheers nell
Hi, Coolmon, thanks for reading, sorry about the picture! lol!
Oh Nell thanks for this one, it's hilarious and I loved it.
I hope you had a great Christmas and are ready for this brand New Year ahead.
Take care my friend.
Eddy.
Hi,Eddy, lol! glad you liked it, I just got the song in my head and turned it into a poem! have a good New Year, and take care, nell
That's hilarious! Best Santa story I've heard as an adult!
Hey Nell I heard the news on that young girl killed there.
Just a few minutes ago a TV headline. They are not going to question the royal family. I heard one report said Diana was born there....? Still let me know if you here more, was just chance I caught this. Thanks!
Hi, stricktlydating, Ha Ha! thanks, glad you liked it, cheers nell
Hi, Polly, sorry its taken me ages to get back, but my son 'stole' my pc for two days! pain in the butt! lol! I'll let you know if I hear anything else, cheers nell
I don't usually like funny poems but this one is great! Gave me a great laugh. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, savanahl, thanks, it just popped into my head when I was washing up! lol!
Sorry I missed this fun tribute to Santa last Christmas. Love the pictures and the effect of alcohol. Voting this Up and Funny. SHARED.
Oh Nell this is hilarious. Just like Christmas in July! I missed this last Christmas also. You have the most wonderful imagination and photo stock. Then again, . . . Have a good one!
Hi, alocsin, haha! you know what they say about alcohol! thanks as always, nell
Hi, suzette, thanks for reading, what with the weather at the moment it certainly seems like Christmas! haha!
Just Ask Susan Level 8 Commenter 5 months ago
LOL Just what a needed...Thanks for the laughs.
Merry Christmas!